Taking the Pain Away
by FlavorlessMuffin
Summary: (trigger warnings, adult content) Cry was confident in the relationship he had with Felix...until he decided to start planning his proposal to Marzia. Now Cry is racing against time to get the boy before it's too late while losing his battle to a new found pill addiction that leaves him struggling to contain a part of him he never knew and keep everyone he's ever loved.
1. Chapter 1

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 1

Words: 1,000+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

Summary: _Cry begins abusing prescription painkillers and pills to cope with the idea of his good friend and crush, Pewdie, proposing to his girlfriend Marzia. After losing control of his life, he finds himself in a struggle with a terrifying side of himself he never wanted to know, fighting for the boy he loves and the friends he needs._

___(Thanks to Shihoudani, Hara and Cannibal for helping with my writing and giving me people to bounce ideas off of. I'm eventually going to post the updated versions of this fanfic. Each chapter will be much cleaner!)_

Living in the US is, well, okay, but when you've lived here your whole life, you feel like you've seen and done everything. You start getting bored, you get an itch you can't ever seem to satisfy for something new, something bigger, and you want to be out in the rest of the world with the other people. Making something of yourself, making a name, being known, trying new things. That's what life used to mean.

Not anymore.

As Cry had gotten older, he's simply lost his lust for being in the action and didn't even really leave the apartment much for anything. He enjoyed his home, his laptop and his online friends, and if he needed company, he would Skype and play games, invite Red and Scott and a few other friends over for drinks and videos. He didn't really need to go out that much, and he didn't want to. Cry only entered society for these reasons: Food, games, and picking up his best friend PewDiePie from the airport. The last one was his favorite, without a doubt. Whenever Pewdie, or Felix as that was his real name came, to visit, Cry's no longer needed to be shelled around Felix made him Cry loved the blond , not just as friends. Pewdie meant more than life itself. He truly, deeply loved the guy. He couldn't imagine coping with life without having the man near him as it had been for over a year, as they gamed and visited, got drunk together and made mistakes together, thoroughly enjoying life to the fullest, and all he'd needed was PewDie all along.

Was he gay?

Only for Pewdie. But no one knew of his blossoming adoration aside from Jund, especially not the internet. There were enough fans of PewDieCry, so it is called, as it was, and he was sure wouldn't be able to cope with it if he make it worse. He did secretly enjoy reading a so-called PewDieCry fanfictions now and then. It was funny to see what situations the fans put the two Youtubers in, and it did help his imagination when he needed to… let off some steam, to put it nicely.

Whenever Pewdie would come to American to see him, they would always have tons of fun; not only games, but general fun. They always enjoyed each others company, even though in their daily life they lived thousands of miles apart. Cry did visit Pewdie in Sweden too though; just not so often since there was Marzia there. He'd never really minded her until as of recent, when PewDie seemed a little more occupied with her. She seemed to be more needy as of late and it really took away from Cry's Skype 'dates' or gaming, which was the entire reason he set alarms anymore.

When Pewdie came down this time to visit this time, he parked as close to the front of the airport as he could, and messed his hair brunette hair with his fingers, checked his teeth, smelled his armpits, and watched for Felix. As usual, his heart jumped when the sandy blonde walked through a pair of double doors and spotted the now familiar car, walking quickly towards it and throwing his bags into the trunk that Cry had open for him, before climbing in and relishing the tinted windows with a happy sigh, away from his fans and alone, best friend's, Cry's crush. "It's good you stayed out here, Cry." He started, laughing as he did and making Cry smile, good God, that laugh was intoxicating. "A couple bros recognized me inside and if they'd seen you with me, they would have made the connection easily."

Pewdie leaned over in the seat and pressed his lips to Cry's cheek and the America said nothing, a blush spreading across his face. Pewdie laughed, and Cry smiled, and he turned the car back on and began to drive. Although it was a rather silent trip, Cry was happy and laughed at everything Pewdie said, acknowledging his every word with a happy laugh and a joke, and they were content.

Cry had never been so reassured of their feelings for each other in his life as they spent the evening crammed up in Cry's apartment with his friends and Pewdie, drinking and playing games. He occasionally leaning over against Cry in his drunken laziness, and the brunette American relishing the feeling of Felix's head on his shoulder, and he made short, embarrassed glances at Scott who was smiling and watching on the other couch. Pewdie's scent wreathed over him and he felt himself get dizzy, managing to work up the courage to gently rub his fingers into Pewd's scalp, playing with the adorable blond hair he loved so much. Listening to Felix sigh, content, and lean into Cry's hand felt amazing and he pushed his glasses up further on his nose, grinning shyly at his friends who by now were watching, smiling, as Cry worked up the courage to tell Pewdie how he felt.

This was the happiest Cry ever was.

"I think I have a ring picked out."

Until Pewdie announced that he wanted to propose to Marzia.


	2. Chapter 2

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 2  


Words: 2,000+

Rated: M

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Following the trip to America, Pewdie hadn't felt...right. Like his subconcious was aware of a troubling scenario unfolding with his friends in America, but the most troubling part was that he couldn't get in touch with Cry to find out what it was, nor did he have a way to contact Russ, Jund, or the rest of Cry's friends beyond Skype, and no one was online. After trying for a third time to get Cry to answer the Skype call, well aware of the green 'online' button beside the American's name, he took off his headset and rubbed his forehead, sighing heavily in frustration. He knew he was likely overreacting, he had been given no real reason to assume anyhing was wrong, but he could tell. Horribly irritated, Pewdie walked to the kitchen and helped himself to a warm cup of black coffee with a shot of alcohol, savoring the mild taste of almond and vanilla, as well as the drinking the beverage created on the cold, winter day.

Pewdie leaned against the bar seperating the kitchen from the living room, sad to see the apartment so lonely. Even his pug was gone. Marzia was visiting a friend for the rest of the day and although the apartment was lonely without her, he appreciated the opportunity for time by himself. He hated his temper and when he was upset, he was short with everone, even including the beautiful Italian. Sometimes more-so with her than anyone else. He started to walk across the room to play his WII when he heard his Skype ringtone and he quickly darted into his room and sat down in front of the PC. Sure enough, the name "Cry" was spread across his computer screen, attached to call he was so happy to have. He picked up his headset and accepted the call, surpised that the other man had his webcam turned off. Although the brunette didn't show his face to many, Felix was one of the people lucky enough to have his trust.

"Cry! Is everyhing alright, bro?" Pewdie asked immediately, fumbling to get his headphones on. On the other line, he heard a soft, soothing chuckle. It was warm and affectionate, and Pewdie smiled to himself. He knew he had been overreacting. "I'm amazing. What's up, Pewds?"

The blond took a sip from his coffee cup and moved around in the chair until he was comfortable, pulling up a blanket from the floor beside the chair. "I'm just glad you're okay, Cry. I was worried something was wrong." There was silence. "Your camera isn't on today." He commented sadly, gazing intensely into the webcam at the other man. He wished he could see Cry' face.

Cry's room was dark and cold, having recently had the ir conditioner fixed. He was freezing himself out to help keep himself awake. He'd been lethargic all day and the alcohol he was pounding into himself hadn't been helping the cause. Despitethe desire to stay awake, he was wrapped up in an oversized hoodie and a comforter, his mask pulled off to the side of his face since no one was there to notice he wasn't hidden. "Yeahhh...sorry. Not right now, man. I'm sorry." The apology was sincere, the brunette had felt bad just hearing the sadness in Pewdie's voice. Pewds had explained to him once that the reason he enjoyed webcamming with Cry so much was because Cry didn't how his face to many of his friends and it made him feel important...but he couldn't show Pewdie, because it was obvious he was drunk and had been crying and just...no. Not today, not ever. He did love that Pewdie cherished seeing his face so much...

No. That was also before Pewdie made it clear he was intested in being with Marzia forever, and not Cry. His chest ached and he cringed, chugging some more vodka. "I am sorry, Pewds. Maybe later, okay?"

"You sound strange. Are you sure everyhing is okay?" The blond was glancing offhandedly in the direction of the webcam, as if he was trying to make eye contact with the American. Those brigt blue eyes looking so worried. It made Cry smile. If only Pewds knew. "I'm okay. Are you?"

Pewdie had a bad habit of lying about how he felt. "Just kinda lonely since I came home...Marzia went to stay with a friend who's been out of town for a lomg time and you were busy..."He laughed sadly. "I guess I don't really like to be alone. But I can use the time I have alone to talk to my family and get the ring..." Cry felt guilty immediately, leaning his forhead on his hand and murmured softly to himself. He'd been so consumed with his own personal issues and emotions between his family, finding a new house, and the obvious emotional retraction from Pewds that he'd been ignoring his Skype and even cut his last two livestreams shorter. However, the most recent cause of neglect was that he was so absolutely drunk and exhausted that he passed out on the desk. It had taken three calls from Pewds and several IMs from Jund to wake him up. On top of that, hearing Pewdie talking about the proposl felt like a brick against the back of his head, like someone was jamming a steel pipe into his chest and slappin him across the face with rings on...within moments of those words spoken in Pewdie's familiar accent, usually comforting and reassuring to Cry, he was gripping his own wrist tightly, scratching his thigh painfully to hold back the pain. His throat burned and the back of his eyes felt like they were on fire from resisting the overflow of tears,his head spinning, stuffy with an emotional anarchy within his skull.

"You're never alone, Pewdie." The shift of tone in Cry's voice alarmed Pewds. So much so, that it sent a chill down his spine. "You have millions of fans, a girlfriend, a loving family...you have so many people." Cry winced and closed his eyes, feeling the inside of his skull burn as he held back jealous rage. How could Pewdie ever understand..? How could he ever feel lonely? All he had to do was send a tweet or get online...Cry tipped the vodka bottle again. He wanted to be too tired to blink.

"Cry, you know you're not alone either, right?"

The brunette didn't respond. "Goodnight, Pewds. Jund is calling."

Pewdie was too upset to play any games after Cry hung up the call on him. He was thankful that he had posted a Fridays With PewDiePie and a new episode of a Let's Play so that he could spend the night in.

Minutes later, however, while he was checking his Twitter, Jund called his Skype.

A confused PewDiePie answered.

"Pewds, something is wrong with Cry."


	3. Chapter 3

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 3  


Words: 1,000+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

(I would like to note that I listened to "Where Have You Been" by Manchester Orchestra during the first part of this fic. It's a great band for feels!)

Cry kicked his compute chair away and stumbled into the bathroom with tears streaking down his cheeks, his hand sliding against the wall inside the door until he found the lightswitch. His eyelids were swollen and red with tears, pawing desperately at his face as he tried to scrub the weakness from himself, trying to force the tears away aggresively. When he saw his pitiful reflection in the mirror, self-loathing crept upon him, and he screamed into the mirror, voice full of rage, and hate.

"What the fuck are you looking at? You fucking faggot!" he sobbed and tore the cabinet door open, unsure of what he was looking for, but tying to find something. Each pill bottle, he read the label, throwing each back into the cabinet or onto the counter top. Something to help him sleep? Something to calm him dowm so he wouldn't have to suffer anymore...He found a bottle painkillers from a long forgotten injury, Vicodin, specifically Hydrocodone, and stopped pawing at his face long enough to realize that he had an entire bottle left.

Cry stard at the pill bottle for a long time before throwing them onto the fake marble counter and looked for something to crush one up with.

The brunette man leaned over the sink, messy hair falling into his face, as he crushed up the pill with the top of the prescription bottle, his sobs now turned into soft hiccups and sniffles. The broken pill made a satisfying crunching sound against the countertop and he flipped the bottle over, licking the powder he had reduced the medication to off of the lid of the bottle, before cringing in disgust at the horrible taste. After rifling around in one of the drawers for a moment longer, he found a piece of cardboard and rolled it up neatly before looking at himself in the mirror again. He looked terrified.

'Are you really about to do this, Cry? Are you sure?' mirror-Cry asked, watching real-Cry's movements closely. Mirror-Cry looked rather unbiased, as if he didn't even care if real-Cry did or didn't take the drugs. What did he know? He was just a reflection of the broken American leaning against the counter.

After a deep breath, he reaponded, "Yes. I am." leaning down close to the counter. He pressed the tube he had created up his nostril and snorted the yellow powder until almost none remained, hissing in pain and pawing at his nose. His eyes watered, turned pink from pain and he whimpered again until the pain subsided. The burning was intense, like fire, and he could taste the horrible vicodin dripping onto his tongue, melting in his mouth, but he kept the drugs down with great will power, gripping the counter-top until he had stopped shaking and could swallow the tears and breath easier.

Once the tears had stopped from both sadness and the drugs burning his nose, the first ones he had ever done, he sank down onto the toilet and shoved his sleeve up. He'd had friends before tell him cutting helped their pain by releasing endorphines and if he was going to hit rock bottom, he wanted to do it full blown. He had a box of old razor blades from a shaving razor he no longer owned, ones you were supposed to replace the blades for, but most of them were rusty with age. A sick glee flooded him whem he found a brand new one that was still wrapped in a small piece or cardboard and he ripped it open and placed it against his mid arm.

Cry took a few deep breaths before he was able to convince himself to drag the blade along his pale flesh, his hand shaking and his eyes closing as he broke skin. He cried out, his chin tilting up as if he was screaming at the ceiling itself, but it wasn't enough. The fresh blade made a clean, neat divet in the man's pale arm. It was sharper than he had through becauseblood began to pour from the wound and stain his skin.

As if possessed by some spirit other than his own, he raked the blade over the spot again and again, the wound growing deeper with each stike, until he had a two and a half inch mark spreading, swollen, angry and red. Blood dripped onto the pale tile floor but he didn't stop, marking himself again, higher. His breathing was rapid and he was shaking, making soft moans and hisses as he cut his own skin, whimpering with anger at his own weakness. He felt his arm burning, yet growing numb, and created once more a deep ridge in his skin before stopping, watching drops spilling from the injuries, red welling like water drops from a faucet and leaving behind a strak of red as they dripped from his wrist. He hiccuped and sniffed again, but didn't cry any more. He was growning numb. His entire body was numb.

A warm heat had spread throughout his entire body and his head was beginning to feel cloudy and relaxed, as if nothing in the world could hurt him. He tilted his head back and inhaled sharply before laughing, swaying where he sat.

This was so unlike Cry.

Cry, What are you doing?  
He passed the mirror and growled, "I feel so much better. I feel so much better." He closed his eyes and whimpered as he went to his room, keeping his arm elevated on a shirt on the bed to keep his bed sheets from staining.

He slept better than ever before that night, his injured arm tucked underneath his pillow once the blood dried, Pewdie's hoodie wrapped around him, wreathing the American in his crushes sweet scent. He watched his phone beside him as it lit up with messages from his friends that he wouldn't respond to until morning.

A train could be heard in the distance. Cry fell asleep as the sun came up that morning and didn't wake up until late the next day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 4  


Words: 1,000+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

Cry felt like unmeasurable shit the next morning.

And by morning, we mean afternoon, because he doesn't have much luck with alarms or waking up.

It wasn't physical illness that was ravaging him, it was guilt. He'd never done something like...that, before. The drugs, the cutting, it was so out of character for him. The brunette was staring down at his injured wrist hanging over the sink, the cuts swollen and angry looking as he poured rubbing alcohol over them. They fizzled and bubbled and he cringed, closing one eyes and tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for the pain to subside.

Whatever had happened to him...it wasn't Ryan. Ryan didn't even get tattoos or piercings, let alone use drugs and cut. He sighed, frustration seeping into him as a headache split his skull, and smeared antibacterial cream across the clean wounds before wrapping a white bandage over them, securing it with medical tape.

No one could fine out about this, especially not Pewds.

Maybe he could...talk to Jund about it?

Cry sat down in front of his computer, one of his girly drinks in hand, and checked his Skype. Sadness gripped him when he saw that Pewdie was offline. After his outburst, he had every reason to avoid talking to the American...he clicked Jund username and started a chat, hope flooding him.

ChaoticMonki: Jund, can we talk?

A few minutes later, his friend responded.

DamnNoHTML: Sure, Cry! What's up?

Cry typed away at the keyboard, his headache burning even worse yet as he stared at the screen, but talking to Jund made him feel safe and bulletproof.

ChaoticMonki: Can we Skype?

Jund was sitting on the other side of the IM, leaning on his desk with his hand in a bag of potato chips. He mimimized his game and clicked the blinking orange Skype tab, batting his eyeslashes at the screen as if his eyes needed adjusting, as if he was reading the other man's words wrong. Cry didn't really...well, like to Skype, unless someting was bothering him. Jund swallowed a mouthful of chips and took a drink of his can of soda before replying,

DamnNoHtml: Ready when you are, Cry.

The blue eyed bruntte on the other end brushed his fingers through his thick hair, his fringe falling over his eyes. He started a video call and leaned back in his heart racin gas he tried to just...comprehend how he would explain anyhing to his friend without sounding like an idiot. Without saying the wrong thing, or giving the wrong impression, or...Jund answered the call and waved at the webcam, a smile pasted on his face.

"Hey, man! What's up?"

Scott's smile was contagious and soon, Cry was smiling back, drawing a knee up to his chest and taking a drink from the glass on his desk. "It's...a long story, man."

Cry avoided the real topic for a long time, but when he got there, he couldn't bring himself to tell Jund about the drugs. He admitted that he cut his wrist and it was already bandaged and clean under his shirt, and when Jund asked to see it, Cry obliged, pushing his sleeve up and unwrapping the injury before holding his arm up for the webcam. "I see..." was all he said. Cry felt shame crawling up him,his cheeks flushed and eyes turned down to the floor.

"Have you told Pewds?" Asked Jund.

"No," replied Cry. "I could never..."

Jund could tell Cry felt bad for his choices and decided to change the subject and disract him instead. Scratching at an open wound wouldn't help it heal, no pun intended. "Why don't we play something?"

"That, is the best idea i've heard all day." Cry laughed and minimized the screen to open Steam. He knew talking to Jund would make him feel better. It always did. He had also handled the cuts a lot better than he had expected, which gave him enough hope that he wasn't loosing his mind.

The sound of a bubble popping alerted Cry of another message and he glanced to the side of his screen, adjusting his glasses. "...Jund, can I get a rain check on the game? Just about...10 minutes?"

"No problem, man. I'll be here."

On the other end of the call with Pewdie, Cry could hear background conversations with...Marzia? More than likely. When it stopped, Cry was sure the beautiful Italian had left Pewdie's office and the video turned on, presenting the blond Swede. "Hey, Cry! What's up?"

Cheerful, as usual. Cry's mood sank.

"I'm alright, about to play a game with Jund." He answered a bit colder than he'd intended, and quickly felt bad for it, especially seeing the sinking look on his friend's face. "You?" he replied in a happier tone, quickly finishing his drink.

It hurt that his conversations with Pewdie used to be so happy.

His chest ached.

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay..." The blond had an unreadable expression in his face, and it made Cry uncomfortable. His stomach was hurting, his head was splitting, his chest was tigt and a lump was forming in his throat as they stared vacantly at each other, awkwrd tension building quickly. "H-hey, Pewds, maybe we can play a game later?" he proposed, faking a happy smile again.

Pewdie's eyes sofened and he nodded hopefully. "I'd like that, Cry."

Ten minutes later, Cry wandered to the bathroom and popped a vicodin into his mouth, letting the vile taste of melting pill settle in his mouth. This time, he was in physical pain...wasn't that a good enough reason to continue to take them? He was actually hurting, after all...

As long as he had the cutting under control, he would be fine. He sat down in front of the computer screen and called Jund again, happier as time passed. Happier as the pain killer kicked in. He laughed as happily as he had in days and Scott invited Russ to join the game...they ended up hosting a last minute livesteam. The fans were ecstatic.

But the knot in Pewdie's throat was burning and he could barely hold back the moisture building along his blond eyelashes, digging his white teeth into his soft lip until it threatened to break. What had he done to make Cry hate him? Ever since he'd been to America, Cry showed all the signs of disliking, if not entirely hating Felix! He wouldn't answer his calls, and if he managed to get the other to pickup, they talked for less than two minutes, awkwardly, and always ending abruptly.

Cry was always the one to hang up.

Although Pewdie had an incling it had to do with their semi-romantic past, things between them had been fine until this past week...The PewDieCry stuff had never bothered Cry before, ans they joked about it constantly...

Pewds gave up and let te tears roll down his face. It was a satisfying feeling, to cry, when his heart ached so badly.

It had to have been September.

That, or...Cry just didn't like PewDiePie anymore...

Too tired to keep up the internal debate, Pewds went to Marzia for consolation. The instant she saw his tear filled eyes, the Italian sat down her lover on the couch and listened to everyhing Felix said...although he didn't mention September, the rest was completely accurate and true, his words occasionally seperated by gentle sobbing.

"Maybe you should plan a suprise visit?" She proposed, her voice soft, rubbing the back of his shoulder gently. "Tell his other friends about it and you could all go suprise him and stay for a weekend." Pewds turned his blue eyes up to her and looked suprised. That was a great idea! With Cry's friends there, the American might not feel so awkward and it would give Jund and Pewds a chance to find out what was wrong! "You wouldn't mind...?" He asked, hope intensely burned into his expression. He sniffled. Marzia smiled.

"Cry is your best friend. Do what you have to do. Do what's best for you, and what's best for Cry. His happiness is yours, and I worry about him too." She kissed the Swede's cheek and stood, walking out of the room to let Pewdie think. A few minutes later, he was IM'ing Red and Jund, planning a group vacation for the end of next month.

In six weeks, he would be with Cry. He wouldn't let their friendship die without a fight.


	5. Chapter 5

_WARNING: This fanfic has intense trigger warnings. Please note that there is no evidence or speculation that Cry self-harms, nor that he is suicidal or does drugs. Cry is an amazing person, and so is everyone else in this fanfic. Please read this story with this in mind, for that is all this is. Fiction. I don't want to get messages from Scott Jund and Cry later, complaining about his fanfic. It's just a story!_

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 5  


Words: 3,000+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

**Scott's POV**

Cry seemed to be doing better around me and the late night crew, I hated understanding why he was so upset toward Felix yet not able to tell the Swede what was wrong. He was dwelling on the fact that Cry was acting pretty much normal now to us but was ignoring _his_ IMs and Skype calls. All I could tell him was, "Cry does not hate you. He's just going through a hard time, is all."

Pewdie sank bank in the passenger seat, seeming to relax a little at that. Red and Russ were in the back seat with Battlestar and Snake. It was a bit cramped but no one complained. We were, after all, going to see Cry. We had just picked Felix up at the airport and were on our way north, to his apartment. I felt terrible for not being able to be more reassuring to Pewds but Cry's feelings were his problem. But if he wanted to have any chance of being with Felix, he had to tell him soon. The longer he waited, the closer he was going to be to proposing.

And if he did, it was a lost cause.

We stopped and picked up some chinese food, deciding to eat it at Cry's house. Everyone was in such a great mood. Looking back, it makes me want to cry. We were so unsuspecting. Pewdie rolled down the window and lit up a cigarette, which I was suprised about. I didn't realize he smoked. "I should have asked first, i'm sorry."

"No worries, man. At least you rolled the window down."

We pulled up to the apartment and Felix flicked the cigarette out, opening the car door and stretching before darting for the stairs. He was the third floor up, apartment C4, amd I smiled a little at his renewed energy and happiness. It gave me hope. I turned around and realized my friends, who were getting out the bags, were also smiling.

Maybe things weren't so bad. Cry would be happy to see Pewds that excited to be with him. I was going to make him tell Pewdie how he felt.

Or else I would.

**Pewds POV**

Pewdie knocked on the door and swayed back and forth on his feet, rocking in his excitement. He wasn't too sure if Cry was going to be happy or upset that they had showed up without warning, but at least he would get to see him, maybe even for the next few days if he responded to the visit well.

After the first two knocks, Pewds started to get worried. He looked over the railing and double checked, yes, that was Cry's car...it was dusk and he could see light filtering out of the window through the blinds...Felix released a soft 'muuurrrr...' sound from his throat, almost groaning, before turning the handle of the door experimentally. It wasn't locked! Maybe Cry had decided to lay down for a nap.

Pewds pushed the door open and called, "Suprise, Cry! I came to cheer you up!"

No response.

Felix raised an eyebrow and began to explore slowly. The three bedroom apartment was a bit big for Cry, but the extra two were for guests, a hideaway for his siblings and a guest room for his long distance friends to stay, like this week. The couch folded out into a bed, which meant everyone would have a place if Cry and himself shared a bed like usual...

He turned his attention back to looking for Cry, checking the kitchen. Aside from a drainer full of freshly cleaned dishes, nothing seemed suspicious. The water on the ceramic plated and plastic cups was evidence enough that Cry was just there, within the past, say, thrity minutes. The faucet was dripping as if the water had been on just moments before. Pewdie couldhear the washer shut off in the next room. Had Cry been...cleaning? It wasn't all that weird, but all at once...to clean everything? That...was a bit strange.

He saw that the bathroom door was closed and light flooded out from under the crack. That made a lot of sense, if he had been in the shower or using the bathroom, with the fan on, he likely didn't hear the door or the knocking! Felix tapped lightly on the off-white door.

"Cry, it's me, Pewds!" He said cheerfully, standing back in case the door anticipated the look of shock and familiar happiness on Cry's face when he saw him...he blushed slightly. His lip twitched in a soft smile.

No response.

Alarmed, Pewds knocked again and said, "I'm coming in, Cry."

No response.

Felix turned the handle and pushed the door open, but it stopped, stuck on something. It gave way sligtly when he pushed, but it didn't move much and bounced back each time he shoved it. His heart stopped in his chest, his pupils blown wide in terror when he realized what was stuck. He nudged the door open and found it was Cry's leg that had been blocking the way. His calve would likely have a bruise later.

"Somebody call an ambulance!" Pewdie screamed, on the verge of hyperventilating as he took in the entire scene. The remains of crushed up pills were spread out on the counter, as well as a straw and a razorblade. On the floor beside Cry's left hand was a bloodied one. Pewdie saw the words 'stop it' and 'why' carved into his arm, alongside deep slashes that tracked his skin all the way to his elbow. Blood was pooling quickly on the tile, staining the shaggy white rug. Cry was sarcely breathing, his chest rising and falling weakly in jagged gasps for air like a fish out of water.

The empty orange prescription bottle in cry's right hand made it all sink in.

Cry was trying to overdose.

Cry was tying to kill himself.

He was foaming at the mouth and his eyes, now a pale blue, were barely cracked, staring up lifelessly at the ceiling. Saliva trailed from his mouth to his cheek and dripped onto the tile beside his face. All in all, he was dressed comfortably. He had on Felix's hoodie and tee shirt and Cry's favorite oants and scarf and jewelry, he must have been well prepard for his. His phone was in his hand but Felix didn's bother to grab it and see what the unsent text said. He was too busy screaming and sobbung uncoherently, trying to figure out what to do.

Just HOW pale Cry's flesh was what scared Felix the most and he screamed again, loud enough that everyone came running this time, up the stairs and bursting through the front door, one by one. They throw the bags onto the floor unceremoniously and ran towars the sound of Pewdie's horrified sobs and screams.

Red made it there before anyone else. She was the strongest, emotionally, of the group of gamers, but she could have never have been prepared for what she found. It was a good thing Russ had fallowed her because she stumbled backwards and her legs began to shake so hard that she fell to the floor in a haphazard pile of limbs and red hair. Herboyfriend bent down and covered her eyes, holding her tightly, trying to hide her gaze from the horrible sigt but unable to take his own eyes away. He felt luke vomiting, he struggled to hold back the urge for his lover but it scarely worked, he gagged on the putrid scent of blood.

Cry looked like a bloodied, horrific corpse, pale and unmoving and cold.

"No, nonono, Cry, no, PLEASE, why, Cry, why? Oh god, Ryan, don't leave me! I'm here, i'm right here!" Felix sobbed. Jund stormed into the bathroom and immediately set to work, seemingly unfazed by the scene. "Snake, call the police and tell them we need an escort." He grabbed a towel and began to wrap Cry's pouring arm, screaming, "Someone hold this as tight as you can! We have to stop the bleeding" He yelled for someone to bring him a cup of water and swiped his hand across the counter, the drug dust flying across the floor.

Russ returned with the cup of water and Jund turned to Pewdie, who was still holding the makeshift tourniquet against Cry's arm. "I need you to lay his head in your lap and lift him a bit." He commanded, taking the straw off of the counter and sucking some water into it. He blocked off the flow with his finger to retain the water and pushed it down Cry's nose, tapping it quickly, releasing water down the man's nostil.

To everyone's short lived moment of relief, Cry began coughing violently, his eyes closing tigtly before opening again, slowly, a little wider than before. "Scott...Scott...ahhhhhh, hnnnnng...cough cough, Scott, ow, why, what...where, how? Annnng...ahhh, am I dying?" Cry sobbed almost incoherently as Jund dripped more water down his nose, causing another sputter of weaker coughs. His jeans were soaked on Ryan's blood and water he was pouring down his friend's throat. He was trying to clean the pill residue out of his nose before they went to the hospital.

He was trying to cover Cry's tracks so he wouldn't go to jail for using drugs.

It wouldn't matter, though, if Cry didn't make it.

"How's that escort coming?" Jund hissed at Snake.

"We can go as fast as we need, they'll meet us on the way."

"Shhh, shh, Cry, it's okay. You're okay. You're not gonna die. See, we stopped the bleeding! We're going to the hospital! You have to hold on, stay with me, Cry. Don't fall asleep. That's it, Cry..." Pewds stuttered, bending down and kissing Ryan's sweaty, cold forehead. Jund threw the still full cup of water into the sink and looked into the hallway. Snake was packing a bag of Cry's clothes and his phone. Red and sobbing loudly into Russ's chest, her fingers balled into the front of his shirt like a kitten's claws kneading it's mother's belly...and Russ...Russ just didn't look right. He had every right to look as fucked up as he did. His best friend was...

And PewDiePie.

Felix Kjellberg.

Poor Felix was screaming and sobbing. Everytime Cry's eyelids closed he would start kissing his forehead and cheek and start crying for him to wake up. Jund ran out to grab a blanket. "I'm so tired, i'm so cold..." Cry sobbed weakly, unmoving. His eyelashes fluttered as he struggled fot wakefulness, and Jund returned with a comforter and demanded that Pewdie lift up the brunette American. He did as he was told.

Cry was limp in his arms like a dead animal. This is what his first pet had felt like when he had died... hanging heavy and limp in his arms, lifeless and unmoving and so cold...Scott spread out the blanket on the floor and Pewdie lay him down, and Scott wrapped him up. "Carry him to the car." Scott sounded distant. He had to keep this together, for Cry. Someone had to be strong.

Immediately, everyone headed out te front door. Battlestar, who had been pulling up the car, grabbed Cry's keys and closed his dog in the master bedroom before locking the door behind them. Russ ended up carrying Red. She was still suffering from a great amount of shock and no one blamed her. Perhaps after being the stongest for so long, she deserved this moment of weakness and comfort. Scott was leading Pewdie down the stairs, Cry hanging limpy in his arms.

This isn't happening.

This can't be happening.

Snake opened the door for Pewds and he climbed into the passenger's seat, holding Cry closely, continuing to murmur softly to him. "Cry, stay with us. We'll be there soon, you're okay! Cry, look at me..." Everyone piled into the car and Jund whipped out of the parking lot. Battlestar rolled down his window and stuck his head and arm out, waving at every cop that passed. Soon enough, one of them whipped out ahead of them and turned on their lights and sirens. They must have been able to see through the lightly tinted windows and figure out that the man wrapped in te bloody comforter was on the way to the hospital. Surely the broadcast had been sent to every car, as a warning that the vehicle with an injured man was in desperate need if an escort.

Battlestar climbed back into the car and buckled his seat belt. He reached over and brushed Red's hair back behind her ear before leaning his forhesd on the window.

Seeing Red cry made everything feel so real.

Eveyone was in shock.

No one said a word beyond Pewdie's now incoherent babbling to Cry, He was keeping the boy's attention enough that he was staying awake. "I'm so cold, i'm so cold..." Cry sobbed, a tear dripping down his cheek. Felix bent down and kissed it away. "Shhh, shh, we're almost there, we're almost there..." he cried, weakly brushing his nose against the other man's cheek.

Everyhing else was a blur. Time meant nothing, no matter howfast they moved, no matter how fast they drove, it wasn't fast enough. Pewdie carried Cry into the ER and screamed at everyone who tried to seperate them. "I have to stay with him! Please let me stay with him!" Russ led Red to the waiting room that was closed off from the rest of the hospital with a small window with blinds and a door. She could be seen through the glass crumpling the floor in hysterical crying. Battlestar went to the gift shop and bought some water bottles for everyone, the Chinese food in his arms. No one was hungry enough to eat but it would help settle their stomaches after they knew Cry was going to be okay.

He was going to be okay.

He had to be okay.

Scott placed his hand on Felix's shoulder and turned him to face him, his eyes full of tears. A stern expression came across his face and he "Pewds, let them take Cry. They have to save him, and if you don't let him go, he's going to die. It'll be okay." He whispered, touching his chin and tilting his face up. His expression softened and he wrapped his arm around Pewdie's neck, giving him a light, meaningful hug. "Please, put him on the gourney. Tell him goodbye, and that you'll see him when he's better. He has to go into surgery now."

Pewds sobbed and began nodding weakly, and moved to lay Cry down on the gourney slowly, his vision blurred by tears. "I'm so cold...I can't feel my hands..." Cry's complaints were weaker now. Scott was explaining to the doctor everything they knew as Felix said his goodbyes. "There are deep cuts on his right arm a-and he took a bunch of pills, c-can you save him?" he whimpered, shaking. His once strong facade had fallen, crumbled, he looked scared and vulnerable and terribly, terribly broken. Another sob hiccuped in his own throat and he felt a burning pain from holding it back.

"We'll do everything we can. We'll take him back to survery and give him blood, sew up his arm and pump his stomach first off, then we'll have to check him for any brain damage from a potential fall due to te overdose, and internal bleeding from the pills. We'll save him if we can. we'll do everything." The nurse assured softly, her eyes gentle, looking over at the Swede. Scott glanced over as well.

Pewdie was crying in Swedish, bent down over Cry. He unraveled the blanket from him and let it fall to the floor beside him, bending down to whisper against Cry's ear. "I love you, I love you, Cry, I should have told you, I should have helped you, I'm sorry, Cry...Don't leave me, Cry..." He felt Scott's hand on his shoulder and knew his time was up.

What if Cry didn't make it? What if he never saw him alive again? T-this could be goodbye...forever.

Pewds licked his lips, watching as his own tear fell and landed on Cry's cheek. He watched it trail down his cold, pale skin, noticing suddenly how blue his lips were. He left a trail of light kisses along his jaw that ended with him hovering above te brunette's lips. He gently pressed himself a bit closer, his hand running through Cry's hair as he tilted his head. He felt just as cold as he imagined he would, but his lips were soft and he tasted sweet, like candy. He recieved no resistance from Cry. He wasn't moving.

"We have to move! Patient is unresponsive!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 6  


Words: 1,900+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

"I need a cigarette." Pewdie murmured, the blood stained comforter they had carried Cry into the hospital in wrapped comfortingly around him, like a man in some kind of gory, grotesque cacoon. He was staring down at his fingers threaded with Scott's, his head resting on the other man's chest. It felt oddly comforting...to be huddled close to this man. Scott had dozed off with his cheek resting on the top of Felix's head. He blinked awake and looked around.

Battlestar and Snake had finally managed to convimce themselves to eat, but only plain rice. They didn't even put soy sauce on it. Snake carried a box over to Red and Russ, kneeling down in front of the traumatized girl. "Eat this, Red. You have to eat. You have to eat for Cry." He persueded, smiling weakly.

"I can't..." she whimpered, barely awake. The nurse had managed to get permission to give Scott, Red and Pewds some xanax for their nerves, a powerful anxiety medicine. Red, who wasn't used to taking medicine in the first place, fell alseep after only fifteen minutes The lack off food had worked to make the medication stronger to her and she was now dozing back into a deep, restful sleep. Russ pulled her into his lap and wrapped the blanket the nurse had offered around her shoulders, and they cuddled up on one of the chairs together.

Russ hadn't really said anything since they had arrived. Actually, since they had found Cry, rather.

Russ took the box of rice and set it on the table beside them, nodding his thanks and murmuring softly in reply. Snake returned to his seat and quietly whispered to Battlestar for sometime. Of what, Pewds couldn't hear. It didn't sound too awfully interesting, something to distract them from the current, grim situation. He looked back up at Scott.

The room was full of six grim lines for mouths and twelve downcast eyes.

"Let's go out to the courtyard. The door is down the hall." he whispered to Pewds, gently stroking his hair back with his hand. The blood had already dried to his hands and clothes. It flaked off against Pewds, but it didn't make a difference. Pewds was covered as well. Proof of their effort to save their friend.

"Here, I brought some clothes for Cry." Battlestar said, looking up. "You guys wear pretty much the same size from the looks of it. Go grab a cigarette and change. We'll call you if we get any news, before the nurse says anything." He used his foot to nudge the duffle bag towards them. Pewdie bent down to pick it up, leaving the blanket wrapped around him. "I bet Cry is freezing back there." He whispered, sniffling and turning back around, shuffling slowly towards Scott. It was obvious he was remorseful for the other man's condition and discomfort.

"I'm sure they put heat packs under him, and they're giving him blood. Plus, they promised to give him your hoodie once he was done wth surgery." He reassurd, frowning. "I'm sure they're taking really good care of him."

Jund and Pewds walked down the hall and outside, and they sat down on a bench, Pewdie lighting a cigarette. Jund reached into the other man's pack and lit one for himself, making eye contact with the blonde. Brown eyes met blue. "One time thing." He stated before Pewds could say anything else.

The medicine made Pewdie feel distant and fuzzy, barely awake, and he took a drag on his cigarette, watching the night sky. He could barely see the stars thanks to the city lights. It made him genuinely miss Italy. From his apartment, he could see Romeo and Juliet's castle, every star illuminating the dark nigt sky. There, things were safe.

Here, Cry had suffered. If he made it out of this alive, Pewds decided that he was going to take him back to Sweden with him. There, they could enjoy the nigt sky together, the stars illuminating the horizon...he wondered if they would ever get to experience that together.

"If he hadn't come to visit today, he would be dead." Felix whispered, his lip trembling. He took another drag off of the cigartte and closed his eyes. "Did anyone give him any hint that we were coming to visit today?" He asked softly, swallowing hard. He had to figure this out. He had to have known, something! Something had to have happened...

Scott shook his head no. His eyes flooded with tears. "I talked to him, this morning, though. I-I...it's my fault. I must have pushdd him over the edge..."Jund broke out in desperate sobbing, the first time he had legitimately cried all day. "I thought I was helping...it's my fault." His voice quivered and broke from the weigt of his words.

Pewdie was confused. What was he talking about..? He they gotten in a fight? "Jund, you arein no way responsible for his decisions...but...what did you say?" He asked, placing his hand on the American's shoulder. Jund shook his head. "I shouldn't say. I-I'm sorry Pewds...I can't, n-not until I that he's okay..."

Pewdie blinked and nodded. He wasn't going to pressure him to answer. At least, not yet.

The boys silently finished their cigarettes and went to the bathroom to change. Pewds went into the stall and stripped off his clothes while Jund, jund just ripped off his clothes in front of the mirror, splashing water all over his blood stained skin. The nurses had given them a stack of towels to get clean with and he scrubbed his flesh free of the red, relieved when it was gone. He dried himself off and slipped into a pair of Cry's jeana and a hoodie.

Pewds changed into a pair of sweats and a tee shirt, and rewrappedthe blanket aroumd himself. "...Pewds, you can't keep wearing that..."

"...O-oh..."

Scott offered up one of Cry's hoodies, which was comforting enough for Pewds to forfeit the dirty blanket. "O-okay..."

On their way back to the waiting room, they passed Red and Russ.

"Cry's out of surgery!" she could barely breath, gasping for air from jogging down the hallway. "He's doing okay! Battlestar and Snake are already waiting by his room." Red continued running down the hallway immediately. She didn't offer any other words, too consumed in joy and relief to say anything more.

Pewdie looked up at Scott, tears immediately pouring down his face. Scott Jund pulled Russ and PewDie into his arms and they all released mixtures of sobs, sighs amd whimpers of relief and joy.

Their best friend was still alive.

There were no words to express that kind of joy.

So they didn't say a word.


	7. Chapter 7

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 7  


Words: 5,000+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

_A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in updating! Ironically, I had to go to the hospital and get stitches! Cut my finger. It's a long story full of sighs. Anyways! Chapter 8 is also complete, aside from some editing, and should be up soon as well. I hope you guys enjoy, and thanks again for the support. Reviews are always appreciated! It shows me that ou guys want to see more. -Smile.- 3 Blizzy_

Cry jumped awake, his pupils full blown. He was drenched in a cold sweat.

He toppled from the bed and landed on the floor, sweeping the cobwebs of sleep from his mind and groaned drowsily, rubbing the bump on his head and closing his eyes. "Owww...dammit..." He stood and brushed off his pants, taking a look around the small, unfamiliar room room he awoke in. Pain stung his entire body, dull throbbing coursing through his limbs and head as blood pounded against his skull.

It had a small cot with a paper thin mattress, a simple porcelain sink, and a tiny window with bars, high up on the wall. Too high up for him to see a reflection, let alone if it was night, or if there was anything beyond the confines of this strange space. The triangilar flourecent light hanging from the ceiling filled the room with an unavoidable, dull off-white glow that caused Cry to grimace slightly, looking up at it as it flickered, threatening to turn of completely. "H-huh...where am I..?" he murmured, his voice unfamilar to himself. Something about it sounded...off.

He looked down at his clothes. He was wearing dark skinny jeans and a light blue hoodie...he recognized them as his own clothes, and his sleeves were pushed up. He could see the scratches and carvings on his arms. The were dripping blood and stung with pain, red droplets swelling each time Cry tried to wipe them away with his hand. "O-oh, shit. Uhh..." He looked around. There was nothing to stop the bleeding with.

"Ahhh...fuck, ow..." he grumbled, his eyes stinging with tears from pain that coursed through his entire body. The longer he stood there, the worse it began to throb. His head hurt, his chest ached, and his stomach burned painfully. He walked over to the door, somewhat doubled over, and placed his hand on the L-shaped handle. A push yielded no movement, and a pull the same result.

A few more tries cemented this truth in Cry's mind: the door would not open.

It didn't matter how much he twisted and pulled and pushed, it wouldn't budge. Cry felt dizzy from pain. "Hello? Is anyone there?" he cried, his head throbbing. He pounded on the metal door but no one seemed to hear him.

He was trapped, bleeding and in pain, he was going to die from the loss of blood. The pain was getting worse.

"Oh God, someone help me! Scott! Red! Anybody!" He sobbed, sliding down the door. He was going to die in here, alone...the floor of the room was a few inches deep with the blood that had pooled from his arm. Cry gasped and climbed onto the bed, scratching at the vent. It wouldn't budge. "Someone, help me!" He cried, whimpering as he tried desperately to find an escape.

Suddenly, Cry realized that no matter how much he screamed and sobbed, he wasn't making any sound! It was like his vocal cords had just, stopped working! He struggled to push out any kind of sound but nothing would come, not even an exhale or cough.

No, no, oh God, oh no! Oh fuck!

Cry scraped his nails along the tiles of the ceiling. The flood was rising to his chin. He felt tears streaming down his cheek, cold and damp, and his stomach felt hollow. He opened his mouth to cry but no sounds came out once more. The pool was to his chin. Cry tried to inhale but he couldn't breath. blood was in his mouth. It flooded his throat and nose and he felt himself choke on the liquid, his body on fire with pain.

No...

No!

"Noooooooooo!" Cry coughed and sputtered on the bed, his scream alarming all of his guests. Jund hopped to his feet and grabbed the other's hand softly, turning around and yelling, "Someone get a nurse!" before turning back to Cry, bending down and soothing the brunette with gentle, "Shhh, shhhh, it's okay..."

Cry slowly blinked his eyes open, breathing hard, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "Shhhhhh, breath, breath, you're okay, Cry..." Scott continued, his eyes soft and concerned. He had his hand in the other man's thick hair, stroking gently and comfortingly.

The brunette patient sobbed softly, his voice hoarse, tears spilling down his face. Red and Pewds were on the other side of the bed. He must have been in so much pain. There was a tube down his nose dripping liquid and a mask on his mouth, feeding him oxygen, and his arm was bandaged from surgery, they had pumped his stomach clean...a writhing, miserably heap of pain and damaged body with bright blue eyes and brunette hair, sobbing weakly on the bed.

"W-wha-where am I?" whimpered the gamer, his voice cracking from pain. His eyes were still hazy with confusion.

"You're in the hospital, Ryan. You're okay."

Cry's nurse walked through the door at that moment. "Excuse me." He said curtly, nudging Cry's friends aside. Everyone sat down but Scott, but was rubbing the brunette's hand softly. "How much pain are you in, Mr. Terry?" Asked the nurse, typing some things down in the computer beside the bed.

He was still sobbing, barely coherent. Coherent enough to know that he was suffering.

"Ten." Scott said, turning to the nurse. "He said so when he woke up." He filled in for the man who couldn't speak. He didn't need Cry to give his pain level a number, For him to be sobbing and trembling like this, meant he was in a lot of pain.

The nurse lifed up a syringe of medicine and injected it into Cry's IV. In a matter of seconds, he began to calm down, his weak sobs turning into soft whimpers. His eyes closed and he hiccuped softly into the oxygen mask. The nurse checked his pulse and took his blood pressure, typing some things down into the computer before standing upright again, throwing away the needle in a red biohazard bin near the bed. "I'll come back in an hour to check on him again. If he needs anything, the red button by the bed will call the nurse's station." He explained, closing the door behind him.

They were left alone with Cry again. Pewds climbed up to sit on the bed beside him, stroking his hair softly in place of Jund, who had his hand tangled with the other gamer's. "Are you okay, Ryan?"

Cry had calmed down. The pain medicine must have kicked in.

Cry nodded slowly and he dared peak his swollen eyes open. They were red and damp with tears. He gazed up at the people surrounding him, at Pewds and Red and Jund, and past them at Battlestar, Snake and Russ sitting in chairs against the wall. His traveled back to and stopped on Jund. His expression was a mixture of pure, buring anger and ovewhelming concern and compassion. Still somewhat incoherent, the brunette man cringed and ducked, expected to be punched in the face. It's not like he didn't deserve it, he knew that much despite how foggy his brain was. After what he had put Jund through, he wouldn't doubt that punishment was deserved.

However, Jund leaned just looked into his eyes, and leamed across the bed to tightly hugged Cry, wary of his injuries.

"I'm so glad you're okay." His voice cracked. He sounded as if he was forcing back tears, and given the circumstances that was extremely likely. Cry pulled down on the oxygen mask and let it slip under his chin, drawing in a few, painful and experimental first breaths on his own. "S-Scoots..."He managed to choke out, though obviously painful.

"Why did you do it?" Jund sobbed. It felt so good, to hear that nickname-Scoots. His fist was clenched in the white hospital sheet over Cry's shoulder, his knuckles turning white. He might now have ever heard it again, if things had gotten too bad.

Cry didn't really know what to say.

"I'm sorry..," he croaked out, tears pouring down his face, "I'm sorry...so-sorry...hic, sob...I-it wa-wasn't 'sposed t-to get so b-bad..." his vocal cords sounded strained, likely from the tubes that had been down his throat. His usually deep voice was scratchy and painful. It burned to talk, but he had to say something. Anything. "A-ah...i'm so sorry!" He cried again, the strained words, so sincere and pathetic sounding in his state, made him sound vulnerable and weak, and genuine.

"T-then why? Why, Ryan?" Pewdie spoke up this time, his own voice cracking.

"It helped...take the pain away..." He whimpered, leaning against Scott's chest as the man moved closer on the bed, craddling Cry against him with a hand in his hair. Red leaned over on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on top of Cry's. Pewdie pressed his forehead against Cry's upper arm. He tried desperately to get his arm around the blonde, unwilling to miss an opportunity to cuddle with him, but his IV intercepted and he gasped in pain as it tugged on his hand then hissed in frustration. Felix smiled slightly at the display of rage and put his arm around Cry's neck.

Despite being sick, having PewDie holding him made his chest hurt sweetly and his sobs became more frequent, louder. The two men held Cry tightly and comforted themselves in the sounds of his lively crying...because it made the fact that he was alive sink in entirely.

"A-ah...I thought I was going to lose you, Ry..." Peweie spoke up, clearing his throat through his own tears. He found himself choking up again, however. "Ah, fuck, Ryan..."He whimpered, kissing Cry's cheek and forehead, his hand on his chin, tilting his face up. He brushed the tears away with his thumbs and softly hished him, his eyes soft and concerned. "Shhhh, it's okay, Cry. We're all here now. You're okay..."

Although it was a topic left untouched as each person took their turns confronting Cry and exprssing their love and concern for him, it still hung in the air like a heavy fog, ever present in the front of their minds and hanging from the tips of their tongues.

Why did Cry try to kill himself?

Why the way he did?

Two hours has passed before anyone had realized it. Cry dozed off into a heavy sleep and some of the friends opted to leave and get some rest themselves. Snake and Battlestar decided to go back to the apartment and clean up. Pewds, Jund, Red and Russ wouldn't have beeb able to stomach the mess a second time.

"We'll take the dog out and start setting up beds, too. Text us if you want us to bring anything when we come back," Snake said in his familiar deep voice. Battlestar nodded in agreement.

As Cry slept, Red and Russ finally ate some of the now cold Chinese food. The nurses pointed them to the cafeteria, where a microwave was available and waiting, and they parted ways with Pewds, Scott and a sleeping Cry.

Scott was draped lazily over an uncomfortable plastic chair playing his DS, listening to the soft breathing of his friend. The oxygen mask made a soft hissing sound and about once ever forty-five minutes, the cuff on his arm would automatically inflate to take his blood pressure. Pewds was curled up beside Cry, hanging halfway off of the edge of the small gourny with his arm under his pillow. He seemed like he might be sleeping but since they were alone now, he wanted to be sure...

"Felix?" He asked, glancing over towards the pair.

Cry didn't move. It was likely that if he was even a little awake, he wouldn't be able to hear over the oxygen mask. Pewdie, however propped himself up on his elbow and looked over at Jund, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What's up?" He asked, voice husky from having just woken up.

Scott closed his DS and played with the extendable stylus, pushing it against the back of his hand to close it and pulling it open again. "I wanted to ask you something." He sounded almost timid. Pewds blinked and leaned up against the wall, interested in what Jund had to say.

"It's about earlier." He started, putting the stylus back in the DS.

Pewdie realized where the conversation was headed and his breath hitched, a cough catching in his throat. "O-oh..." He tried to sound calm but the word came out as a barely coherent mumble, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He really didn't want to talk about the kiss, and especially not with one of Cry's best friends.

"I'm not upset but...he's my best friend, Pewds. Why did you kiss him?" His voice was soft and reassuring, coaxing out the truth. "I just...humans are most sincere when faced with danger and death," he started mumbling something confusing to the Swede with a solemn expression. "Y-you thought you might never have the chance to kiss him again...if he didn't make it..." Scott looked into Felix's eyes. Pewdie started to unnderstand what Jund was saying. "...but why? Why did you kiss him...?"

Pewdie looked down quickly to Cry, to see if he was awake...as to be expected in his current state, he was still sleeping deeply, the oxygen mask hissing, blocking out their conversation from his ears. Felix suddenly looked uncomfortable, his hands rubbing together subconciously in his lap.

"I-I..."

Jund raised ans eyebrow.

"I-I...don't really know how to answer that..."

Disapointed, Jund closed his eyes and hummed in response. "I see." he replied, unimpressed with Felix's answer. He had hoped for something more...well, honest. That was the whole reason he had asked, after all. But Pewds certainly didn't look happy about where the conversation was headed. He untangled himself from Cry and sat cross legged on the edge of the bed, nearest the window, and gazed distractedly at an uninteresting point on the wall.

"I don't feel like it's...I dunno..."

Jund tilted his head. He really didn't understand why Pewds was having such a hard time with this. Maybe if he gave him a nudge in the right direction, he could badger and answer out of him. At least, that was the plan. "You love him, don't you?"

Before Pewds could answer, Jund continued.

"You love Marzia, too, though." Scott looked over at the blonde, his eyes daring Pewdie to say otherwise. Pewdie felt a knot twist in his stomach snd he looked away, his hands balled against his leg, hid knuckles white. why was Jund doing this...? Why here and /now/?

"Hnnnngggg...o-ow..." Both men turned and looked at the writhing brunette on the bed. His eyes were parted slightly gut his eyebrows were knit in his forehead from pain. Pewdie gave the man's hand a soft, encouraging squeeze. "Hey, sleeping beauty! Nice of you to join us." teased the Swede, unconciously pushing some of the brown bangs out of Cry's eyes. Pewds was thankful that Cry had woken up when he did. Things had started to get really, really awkward for Pewdie.

"Pewds, cuddle with me." he rasped, eyes closed. Upon the request, Pewdie laughed and slid back down, tucking his arm underneath his friend, pushing foreward, his nose against Cry's chin. After some time, Jund left to get food. Eating was something he hadn't done all day, and it was entering the early, morning hours...the clock hanging above the door read proclaimed 'three-seventeen am', meaning they'd been there for sixteen hours. He quickly said his goodbye's and shot Pewdie a meaningful glance. Felix swallowed hard as the American regarded the strange relationship between the youtubers with a knowing glance before the door closed behind him.

Cry came to life when Jund left. He began wiggling around, rolling closer to Pewds to curl up against him as best he could with the equipment attached to him. Felix compensated for whatever Cry couldn't do by situating himself, to make things easier on the other man, who soon stopped squirming and sighed comfortably, his fingers curling into Pewdie's hoodie.

"Is that mine?" blinking, the brunette gazed up at the blonde through thick eyelashes. He was ashamed that Felix should see him so sweaty and gross, his hair was messy and displaced from sleep and he was sure he smelled less than perfect, which he tried to avoid around the famous gamer. Pewds didn't seem to care, though, and gave away no body language or subconcious geasture to say otherwise, which Cry really appreciated.

"Y-you were bleeding, so I had to change." Felix's upbeat demeanor broke for a moment. Cry swallowed hard and looked down at his hand, his knuckles turning white against the fabric. "Oh..." he mustered up the courage to murmur that word alone, but nothing else came.

There was a silence for some time after that.

"So, why are you here..?" Cry wheezed and coughed. His throat was still raw and painful from the stomach pump. Pewdie's expression tightened and he suddenly looked away. Cry could tell that he was struggling to piece some things together, but he was wary of a potential lie. It wasn't that he didn't trust Felix, but with an expression like that, he knew exactly what it meant.

"...Your friends and I are worried about you. We were going to come suprise you but you...well," Pewds broke out in weak, self-concious laughter. "...suprised us."

Cry swallowed hard again, looking down at his hand again. He had brushed death's cheek, and Pewds laughed. Okay, that hurt. He felt burning behind his eyes.

Why was he so upset..? Felix gasped and tilted the man's chin up. "N-no, Ry, I was just," he looked desperate, swearching wildly for the words. "I didn't mean to-" He saw the blank expression on Cry's face and sighed, closing his own eyes. "...I'm sorry."

"I didn't ty to kill myself." Cry choked out the painful, meaningful, heavy words, his bottom lip quivering violently. Felix felt his chest tighten. His mouth went dry and he touched Cry's cheek, his hand shaking. The other felt feverish but he doubted they could do anything more than the doctors and nurses already had. He was still reeling from the revelation. The group of gamers had been very unsure if exactly what had happened to Cry...

"Before you say anything else...I think we should wait until the rest of your friends are here. They need to hear this." Pewdie choked out, forcing himself to sound calm. Cry looked crestfallen, which came across as strange to Pewds. This was good news! They were gooing to be so happy! A load would be taken off of their minds! "What's wrong?" Pewdie quickly asked, tilting his head, his chest still tense. Cry looked down, as best as he could whilst tangled up in the awkward eqipment, his had still balled against his friend's chest. He swallowed and looked away. "I guess I was hoping you'd be happier when I said that...but instead you cut me off." He blinked back the tears and swallowed down the tightness in his throat. Pewdie tangled his hand in Cry's hair and made a frustrated noise in his throat. "Cry, they need to hear this. You don't..." He felt himself choke up. His throat became tighter and he took a shaky breath, looking away.

"You don't understand how much they are suffering, thinking you tried to kill yourself."

Cry silently considered this for some time, his eyes filling with tears. He'd hurt everyone so much. This was the kind of friend he was..? Selfish, inconsiderate? He swallowed hard. "And Jund found me...sprawled out on the floor..." He laughed weakly. "I'm glad ot wasn't you."

The silence made the nausea building in Cry's stomach even worse.

"What makes you think Scott found you?" Pewdie asked, almost eerily.

Cry felt the bile rising in his throat. He didn't even want to know, but had had to. He began to shake, his arm stinging from the bandages he suddenly found too tight. "W-what? The way he was acting-"

He hadn't even noticed that Pewds was crying until he sobbed, until he felt the tears falling onto his cheek. He looked up and saw the man shaking violently, his eyes closed tightly. Tears spilled dkwn freely onto the pillows and Cry's own skin. "You were so cold, I thought you were going to die, and I couldn't stop the bleeding, Cry, you were so cold...sob, Cry, I didn't think i'd ever see you alive again," he gasped and sobs feely escaped his open mouth, sharp inhales signaling his struggling breaths. "I don't know what I would have done, sob, if I lost you, Ry, I love you so much..."

Cry tilted his head up and pressed his lips against Pewdie's.

An awkward, startled sound escaped the blonde at first, his eyes wide open, but Cry refused to pull away yet, tilting his head and parting his lips. For a moment, Pewds just sat still, somewhat resistant, but after some time he relaxed and Cry did also, making the kisses more gentle and tender. His hands moved to rest on the curve of Pewdie's waist and his jaw, letting his tongue flick out against his soft lips and Pewds gasped-it was intoxicating, the sound he made-and he sighed gently, his own tongue lightly joining Cry's.

"O-oh! My..."

The boys broke apart quickly and began awkwardly turning their gazes about the room.

Red and Russ sat down in a nearby chair, exchanging unreadable expressions. Red broke out in a small smile. Russ chuckled and looked to the side. Soon Cry and Pewds had contained themsevles enough to look over at their friends, who had stopped their giggling and chuckling,

After some time, they had heard what Cry had to say.

"So, why did you do it?" Jund asked, having just recently returned and joined the conversation, a spoon full of ice cream hanging fro, his lips. Pewds realized that they were in a roomful of people who new that PewDiePie had cheated on his girlfriend. He felt uneasy suddenly. He hoped he could distract himself with Cry's explanations.

"I don't want to talk about it, guys."

"But Cry, we-"

"Red, it's just touchy! You of all people should know that!"Suddenly he was becoming defensive. Pewds had moved to sit on the edge of the bed, wary of his hot temper. He wasn't usual a mean or loud person, but right about now seemed to the contrary.

"I just, can't, Red."

"Cry, it's not-"

"Red! Drop it!"

He snapped.

Red flinched and closed her eyes.

"We all know that you love Felix. FELIX knows that you love Felix! So stop dicking around and just talk about this! Boxing it in is what caused this in the first place!"

The room went quiet. Red wasn't loud either, but suddenly, the room was bright with her own and Cry's yelling, and quickly silent again. Pewdie felt his blood rush to his face and his shoulders tense. His head became fuzzy and he suddenly was nauseas. He needed to leave the room, stuffy and tense with overflowing emotions and raw frustration. Hearing from the mouth of Red that Cry loved him had somehow upset Felix's stomach in a strange way.

"...How dare you." Cry's face was covered in brunette hair, his hand covering his mouth and chin. He wasn't supposed to move that hand in the first place, the one with the IV amd bandages. Red felt her eyes fill with tears at the tone of her friend's voice, anger directed at her and her alone. Cry had never, ever been mad at any of the livesteamers before, let alon Red.

"How dare you! You're supposed to me my friend, god damn it!" He felt hot tears spill down his face and his throat tighten up as anger washed over him, the betrayal he felt twisting his face. "You're supposed to keep my secrets, and i'm supposed to be able to trust you!"

Russ put his arm around the shaking girl's shoulders and pulled her closer as Cry sat, trembling, his gaze flashing towards her. Rage flickered behind Cry's eyes, mixed with grief and fear. What if Pewds rejected this? What if he stopped being his friend? He didn't want to have to put that on Red but now, if it happened, he knew his mind would automatically go to her for announcing his feelings.

"...go..."

"What?" She asked, almost a sob, shaking.

"...ld...go..."

"Cry?"

"I said you should go! Get out! Go away!" He looked dowm and shot a hateful look towards the blankets covering him. A soft gasp escaped her and she felt tears stream down her face like a waterfall. Without waiting for anything more she jumped up and left, the door bouncing off of the wall as she threw it open and slowly swinging shut. Russ cringed and looked over, sadly, at Cry.

"I'm going to attribute that to you being in pain, but you better apologize to her, and soon. She fucking cares about you. So do I. You worried her sick. Psycically, amd emotionally. Clean your act up, Cry." Russ responded, fairly sternly however his voice was full of concern. His worry was plain as day on his face. "We're going to the apartment to catch up on some sleep. I'll see you first thing in the morning."

Regreting every word he had said, Cry just nodded, his eyes glued to the wall.

He needed pain medicine. He felt flu-like, and his arms and stomach burned like hot acid dripping onto his skin, down his throat. He sobbed. It hurt so bad. Emotionally, physically, everything. Everything was wrong.

"I love you, Russ."

"You too, Cry. Goodnight."

Pewds was still reeling. He had never seen Cry act so...like, that, before. He looked up as the door closed and glanced down at the broken, shaking shambles of a man, his brunette hair askew and his bandaged hands trembling over his face. Tears could be seen pouring down his chin and neck.

"What happened to you, Cry?" The man was silent beside him, given a few sobs. Pewdie curled up around him and held him close. The pity Cry felt resonating from the man he loved made him feel like a broken window, pathetic and useless and horrible. But Pewdie still held him, his hand in his hair and on his waist, gently stroking the somewhat exposed skin of his hip, and Cry sobbed, "She's right, I love you so much, Pewds." That deep, sensual reading voice was back, cracking as he confessed.

Felix swallowed hard. He couldn't say it back.

He could say it back because he loved Marzia. But hearing Cry say it made him dizzy, his cheeks flushed. He'd known for a long, long time. It's not like Cry was very good at keeping secrets, aside from his fans. When Pewds would stay in Florida, he would wake upand find Cry on the floor or in the living room or the couch...at first he thought he had done something wrong.

One evening he had walked out into the bedroom, Cry's bedroom, in a towel. He had intended to simply grab his sweat pants and a tee shirt and head back to the bathroom to change, but as he bent down to grab his backpack, he caught a glimpse of Cry, face flushed at is computer but looking at him, blink away an intense stare and looking back at the screen. He was in the middle of recording a new video. Cry apologized and tried to stumble awkwardly out of the room but Pewds stopped him, grabbing his arm to ask why he was so upset. He truly had no idea back then.

Cry was tying in vain to cover the arousal, the growing mass in the front of his jeans, but Felix practically had Cry against the wall, that seductive reading voice of his begging almost desperately to let him go. "I'm really uncomofrtable with this, man!" He protested, laughing awkwardly, almost doubled over as he tried to slip away. Felix growled in frustration.

"Why are you like this? Did I do something wrong-" That was it. Cry knew Pewds could feel his arousal against his own thigh and he began profusely apologizing. He tried to many excuses but Felix suddenly understood. The weird sleeping arrangements, despite Cry's huge bed, the sparatic boughts of shyness and blushing amidst their daily joking and...just, so much more...Felix inhaled a shuddering, startled breath.

"Felix, please say something, you're freaking me out."

Instead, Pewds tipped his chin up and connected their lips. A muffled, startled sound escaped Cry's throat at first but he didn't protest, he didn't even /try/ to pull away, instead and began pushing Pewdie back towards the large bed, gripping his hip and shoulder.

They didn't have sex, not quite, rather everything but.

That was back in the fall. Back in September.

And that was why Felix hadn't been suprised about the confession. He'd known for a long time. But he had also stirred up Cry's feelings and cheated on his own girlfriend. That much was his fault, and he ciuldn't convince himself to take credit for it, or responsibility.

"Please don't marry her." Cry whimpered. Felix bit his lip. He had never been ready to make this decision, to break Cry's heart or to lose his friendship, the inevitable loss that would come when he said that he loved Marzia. A weak sound escaped his throat as he stuggled to pieced together as many words that would protect him as he could.

"In fact, I don't even care! Just don't stop being my friend, Pewds..."

A few moments past. Felix was gently stroking Cry's hair, the tears and deep sobs slowing over time and he found himself with his nose in the other's hair, his skin warm under his lips. "Please come back to Sweden with me." He murmured, his eyes closing. He felt Cry squirm and wiggle closer, holding Pewds in response. It was reassuring to know that he was still his his friend, that he still wanted to help.

"Are you sure?" He was so emotionally and physically exhausted that it came out as a statement rather than a question, his breathing evening out. Felix licked his lips and pressed his lips against Cry's sweaty forehead. Strangely, he didn't mind the sweat, and was comforted by the content sound that escaped Cry's lips. At least he was happy.

"Of course. I just want you to be better, Ry. You're my best friend."

Friend. Friend.

Just be friends. Just be friends.

Cry repeated this mantra over and over to calm the welling sadness that suddenly filled him. "Thank you, friend."

The question that nagged him the most was there, in the back of his mind, never ceasing to tug at him, a lump building in his throat each time he concerned.

Will Marzia be there.

Of course she would, it was their apartment.

Despite everyhing, Pewdie let Cry kiss him a few more times without complaint or resistance. If he was doing so just to calm him down or make him feel comfortable was for another conversation, but he was too content to complain. He nibbled lightly on the Swede's bottom lip and Felix flicked his tongue out against Cry's, their hands sliding up and down each other's waists.

Each time Felix lightly squeezed Cry's waist, rewarding him with soft, aroused noises. He'd never really imagined being with another man sexually before, although less explicit ideas had crossed his mind with Cry before, but the soft noises his friend made did something strange to his body and he found himself struggling to control a new found sexual desire.

It was that damn voice.

Pewds whispered, "Go to sleep." Against Cry's ear and it didn't take long for him to do so, suddenly warm and content and...happy. Very happy. He had been exhausted before, but now that he had the 'okay' to do so, he definately intended to take the offer.

"Thank you, friend."

"Don't worry about it, Cry." The phrase he used so often online warmed the American's heart and his eyes flutted closed, resting his head back on Pewdie's shoulder as darkness overcame his vision. Felix wrapped his other arm over Cry's back and he dozed off to the comforting sound of Cry's breathing evening out.

It was three-thirty in the morning on a cool September night. Considering that it was Florida, Pewds was amused by the cool breeze that filled the room from the cracked window. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

What was he going to do with Cry?


	8. Chapter 8

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 8  


Words: 2,500+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

Quick index of the medication mentioned for your convienience! .  
Tramadol: A non-narcotic pain reliever, used to aid in the treatment of withdrawals from opiates.  
Vicodin: Hydrocodone and acetominophen. Strong pain reliever for moderate to sever pain. Extremely addictive.  
Hydrocodone: A narcotic pain reliever. It is extremely addictive, and hard to treat addiction for.  
Tylonol: An non-narcotic pain reliever, which compared to the priar is weak. For someone on either, Tylonol and Ibuprofin won't treat pain.

A/N: I was really disapointed with the last chapter so I hope this one makes up for it for all ofyou. Also, did you know we reached 3500 views and 1000 readers in two weeks for both of my fanfics on ? Holy cow! You guys are great. This fanfic has a ways to go so I hope you'll stick around and enjoy the ride. Also, if you follow my Tumblr you know that the reason updates have been slow is that we are moving (well, unpacking now!) and I had to get my finger stitched up at the ER. ^^; Long story! -Blizzy

The stitches on Cry's forehead from hitting the edge of the counter had to stay in for at least three weeks, as the cut was much deeper than the ones on his arm. However, after a long nine days in the hospital on suicide watch and recovering from the harmful effects of the handful of various pills he had ingested, Cry was able to have the stitches in his arm taken out, and was permitted yo go home.

"I hate needles." Cry tried to sound humorous but instead the statement came out as a shaky, horrified whimper, his eyes following the nurse as she shuffled about beside his bed, preparing everything she would need. He was shaking like a leaf and his eyes were wide, a soft, terrified noise escaping his throat every so often. Jund wasn't so convinced that Cry even realized he was doing that, but he felt awful. The tray was quickling filling with needles, tweezers, scissors, as well as a few other tools he didn't quite recognize. "Can one of us at least hold his hand?" he asked, to save Cry the embarassment of doing so himself.

Cry gave his friend and appreciative glance. Scott just nodded and smiled in return.

"Actually, it'll be really helpful if one of you could hold his hand, and one of you hold down his arm, just so he and I both don't get an accidental poke with the numbing medicine..." She tried to joke but Cry paled, suddenly ligtheaded. "Why does someone have to hold my arm down?" He squeaked, looking desperately at Pewds.

"I'm not going to lie, Mr. Terry...the numbing agent hurts, a lot. But after it takes effect, it will hurt a lot less than if you could feel me taking out your stitches."

The nurse appointed to Cry was young, fresh out of college and finicky as a mouse. She looked nervous herself, but her hands were steady and she was quite skilled for her age. Througout the stay, Cry had gotten to know her well. They had picked each other's brains for hours one evening...he was cerain she was truly destined to be a counselor, with a mind like hers. But at the moment, his thoughts were on other things, including the small needle of almost-white liquid she brandished, waiting. "Okay, who wants to volunteer?"

Cry lookd over at his friends and swallowed hard. Red was sitting a few feet away, behind everyone else, playing on her laptop. "...Red, I need you..." The girl blinked and looked up. Cry's blue eyes were soft, pleading and desperate...not having expected this Red looked confused. She musn't have been listening to what was going on, because she looked around the room, blank faced. "What?"

"I have to have my stitches out. I need someone, Red. Please." He swallowed hard, bracing for rejection. After what he had done, he didn't doubt that he deserved it.

Instead, the red head nodded, placing her laptop on the small coffee table, and walked over to Cry's bed, sitting down beside him and wrapping her arm around his shoulder. Pewds went to the other side of the bed and leaned against it, taking Cry's left arm, and held it gently in place, a pillow propping up the injured appendage.

"Okay, here we go." The girl warned, his voice warm yet apologetic.

Cry closed his eyes and pressed his nose into Red's shoulde, his breathing rapid with fear.

The 'numbing agent' felt like acid being injected into Cry's arm and he cried out, tears springing to his eyes, and curled his fingers into Red's sleeve, sobbing. Everyone cringed and shuffled awkwardly, feeling pity for their friend. He had jerked so hard that the needle had slid from his arm and the nurse had to start over. Red felt herself draw ina shaky breath and softly pet down Cry's messy brunette hair. "It's okay, shhh..." she whispered against his ear, feeling him shake, hearing him cry against her shoulder. Resentment and anger over their fight forgotten, she consoled him as best as she could.

The nurse apologized and Pewdie had to take a greater grip on the other's arm tighter to prevent him from jerking away again, unable to take his eyes away fromthe nurse working on his arm. The needle again breached Cry's skin and he shrieked once more, anger at his weakness and resentment for the position he had put himself in flaring up as he sobbed against his friend's neck, unable to stop shaking and crying. His throat had since healed from the various tubes and masks he had been subjected to but suddenly his voice was hoarse and broken. "O-o-ow..." he shivered, inhaling sharply.

Because the row of deeper scars were so long, the nurse had to inject the medicine into several locations. It never got any easier for Cry. Each time, he felt the acid-like medication eating away at his flesh, as he imagined it was, and burn through his entire arm like liquid fire. With a final sob she removed the needle and threw it into a redbiohazard trash can nearby. "We're all done with that," she apologized. "You won't even be able to feel the stitches, okay?" She tried to console him but Cry was still hiding in Red's embrace, crying softly. That was one of the top three most painful experiences of his entire life.

Red continued to stroke Cry's hair as the nurse proceeded to remove all of the stitches in his arm, aside from one particularly deep row, and clean, then bandage up to just above his elbow. Covered with an ace bandage to protect the now clean amd sterilized wound, she alerted him that he was finished, and removed his IV from his right arm. "There, all finished!" she assured, smiling slightly.

She handed Jund a sheet and some prescription papers as she heared him and Pewdie to the doorway, glancing over her shoulder before back up at the men. "I can't in my right mind send him home without something for pain. I've included some Tramodol. Have him take this when the pain isn't severe, or if he has withdawals. It will help, but might make him tired. There is also a low dose Hydrocodone. Give this to him only when the pain is so severe that he can't stand." Her tone was serious. "There is also an antibiotic to be taken twice a day for two weeks, and some ointment for his stitches, forehead and arm. Try to keep that bandaged as long as you can. Throw away everything but one shaving razor, and hold onto that unless you can supervise him. If you notice any signs that he might do that again, or if he starts to fall ill, please, don't hesitate to bring him back."

The girl poked her head in the room and bid adeiu to her new friend, Cry, "It was nice having you, Cry. You made it easy to come to work."

"You made it easy to be here, friend." He replied, requesting to Pewds that she be given his phone number. "Please, i'd love it if you text me."

"Of course." She smiled and walked out of the door and down the hallways.

Cry sank back into the pillows when she left. "I'm so tired...can we go home?" He asked, hopeful. "I miss my pooch." He looked relieved to be rid of the stitches, and excited to be on his way home, and with good reason. He wasn't even sure what day it was anymore, he'd been in the hopsital for so long.

Battlestar and Snake had left two days before, so it was just Pewds, Red, Russ, Scott and Cry on their way back to the apartment. Pewdie and Scott had been designated Cry's gaurdians, as Russ and Red had to leave the next morning, and as soon as Jund left, Pewds was taking Cry back to Sweden. Although Cry didn't complain much about the arrangements, everyone culd tell being treated like an infant had put him on edge and he sat silently in the back seat, chewing on his nail and dozing in and out of sleep.

After stopping for food, they went back to his place.

To no ones suprise, his dog was quite excited to see him. But in Cry's condition, Russ had to hold him back and let Cry lightly pet him before he went back to his kennel. It broke Cry's heart, and guilt overcame him like cold water. He'd done this to himself. He'd put everyone in an awkward position, actually, and many of his friends had missed a week or more of work or spending time with their families just to baby him while he was recovering.

Cry slumped down on the couch and yawned, having a hard time sitting upright. "Fuck, everything hurts..." he laughed, but the statement carried with it a heavy cloud. Jund looked over at Pewds. Red and Russ were in the kitchen and therefor didn't here, which was probably a good thing. Red had her first hard emotional onslaught this week, at least around them, and Jund didn't want her upset anymore.

"Try this, the nurse said it should help."

Cry looked at the small white pill as Scott offered it and raised his eyebrow. "...What is that?"

"It's a pain killer. It should help you sleep."

Jund hadn't expected the surge of emotion from Cry, who shook his head and threw himself off of the couch. "Going to the bathroom." He muttered.

"There's nothing in there, Ryan."

Cry stopped dead in his tracks, but did't turn around. There wasn't...

"What?"

"The pills. They're gone. All of them." The shorter haired man swallowed and looked over at Pewdie, trying to build his resolve. Felix nodded and urged him on, stepping closer closer to Jund for support.

"..Why?" He growled. The answer was obvious but anger and addiction reined over logic and Scott could see the muscles of Cry's shulders tense as he looked behin him, at his friends, furious.

"Do you really need to ask that?" Scott asked, an attempt at humor that fell cold on the friends. Red and Russ had returned to the living room to see what was going on. "You OD'ed, Cry We can't exactly leave medication laying around the house," he started to growl, annoyed that Cry was acting like nothing had happened. "Or do you not remember, because you were high?"

Red placed her hand on Scott's shoulder but he shrugged her away. "You're irresponsible, is why, and this is all you can have. Until you can show us that you aren't going to be dumbass again, this is it. Take it or leave it."

He placed the small pill on the counter a stormed out of the apartment, grabbing his coat along the way. The door slammed shut behind him. Everyone but Cry was silent, as he was busy screaming in frustration at the door, though Jund couldn't hear him. "You can't control me like this, Scott! I'm a fucking adult!" As if he didn't believe Scott's claims, Cry went into the front and back bathroom, slamming the cabinet doors as he searched. Pewds looked over at Red and Russ. "He'll be okay, he's just..."

"Having a withdrawal. I know." She sighed, looking down at her feet. The solemn cloud that had overcome the room threatened to suffocate Pewds. As time passed, he grew frustrated and annoyed, with both Cry and Scott, with the situation... "You guys go on to bed. He'll be okay." He finally murmured, slipping off his coat and heading for the master bedroom, where Cry was probably tearing down the house.

As he had expected, he found Cry sobbing, voice hoarse, trying to find what Pewdie could only imagine was a razor blade and his pills.

Pewdie knew that the razors were gone and the pills were in Scott's bag, but he wasn't going to tell Cry that. Especially not now.

"Cry, come here."

"I can't." He whimpered, sliding down the cabinet door. His shoulders shook with silent sobs and hs head dropped forward, hiding the tears that threatened his pride. "I can't..." he repeated. He looked so broken, Pewds would have never imagined Cry-his Cry-in this position, ever. But here, it was happening, right now in front of him and he was sure that this was not a dream. Not unless he'd been asleep for almost two weeks, and if so, this was a fucking realistic dream.

"Cry, stop, please," he begged, taking a step forward.

"Leave me alone..." he whispered.

"No."

Felix kneeled down in front of Cry and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, resting his chin on the top of his head. "I will NOT leave you alone. Not like this." He sighed and tugged Cry into his embrace, feeling Cry's resistance crumble. His arms sank to Pewdie's neck and he began sobbing loudly, violntly, every sound filled with pain. Real pain.

"Pewds, everything hurts, my whole body does, and I feel sick, like I have the flu, a-and it hurts to walk! It hurts to breath, and stand, and talk..." He cried, clinging to the blonde. Felix just nodded, understanding, or at least trying to understand what Cry was going through, and it sounded horrible. He could tell that he wasn't lying, either, and it made Felix feel terrible. With a soft sigh, he pulled Cry back with him as he leaned against the wall, with his brunette friend now in his lap. He shyly moved his hand to Cry's hip.

"Cry, just try the other medicine, okay? If it doesn't help, we can try and give you a little pain medicine. But we can't, unless you try. Do you know how irresponsible of us it would be to start giving you those pills without trying to help you stop..?" He whispered, frowning. He gently nudged Cry back with his hands on his shoulders to meet his gaze. However, Cry's eyes were focused on Pewdie's jeans, watching his own tears fall and stain them with dark circles.

Without agreeding, or disagreeing, Cry just sat there, tears trailing down his pale skin.

Felix sighed. "Please, take one, for me. Just try, Cry." He pleaded.

"O-okay, okay, i'll try..." Cry reluctantly gave in. Felix felt bad for using the brunette's feelings towards Pewdie against him, but in this instance, it was for his own good. "Can I stay in your room? Like we used to?" The blonde asked, smiling. Cry looked a little startled. "Y-yeah, I guess, bro. You sure?"

Pewds helped Cry to his feet, kissing his cheek. It was a friendly geasture where he and Marzia lived, but to Cry it was special, even if it was just in his daydreamy little imagination. "Of course i'm sure. Come on. Let's go get you some medicine and a shower."

Pewds laughed. "You stink."


	9. Chapter 9

**Taking the Pain Away**

Chapter 9  


Words: 6,500+

Rated: M

tumblr; thefluffyrenegade

_A/N: Thanks for sticking around during my absence, everyone! For those who don't follow my tumblr, I had to move twice and I ended up rewriting chapter 9, bumping the previous chapter 9 to 11 and inserting a brand new chapter 10, also. Things have been a little chaotic, no pun intended, but I should be getting back on track with the chapters now. JUST A FAIR WARNING, FRIENDS! Chapter 10 is NSFW. For those who have been waiting for this, I hope it's everything you've been waiting for. After I post this chapter I'm going tp run through chapters 1 through 8 and do a few spell checks and revisions, as well as put the inspiring song for each chapter in the header. I made a post a few weeks back on my tumblr with the songs I listened to while writing, and thought, "If I have that compilation, why not insert the music with the given chapter so readers can enjoy the, also?" Ultra mega gigantic thanks for 10,000 views in 3 months and all of the reviews, some supportive, and some just absolutely hilarious. PMs and reviews make me smile, feel free to send them! I don't bite! On a final note, if I missed anything during editing, please private message me, don't leave it as a review! I re-read this fic so mich during editing, it's easy for me to miss a lot of small errors. Thanks again, friends!_

_Chapter 9 Song: "Simple Math" - Manchester Orchestra_

For practically two weeks after Cry was released from the hospital, he wore his mask.

It was a safety blanket. A place to hide.

Even just holding a conversation with his own friends yielded the same result: Cry would pull down his mask, just above his lips, and hide behind the familiar persona. Although tension was high and concern was thick for the self-destructive little brunette, no one dared tell him to take off his mask for fear it would be enough to push him into a state of despondency. It wasn't at all for simple lack of concern, but rather minding their own business, and keeping Cry at ease. Each of his friends feared that bringing it up might upset him too much.

It wasn't until the day before he was scheduled to leave for Italy with Pewdie that Red expressed her concern to her friends and prompted something of a small intervention during the party they were hosting, a combination farewell to everyone who was dispursing to their own homes and a get well gift for the friend who was currently out with Scott at the nearby liquer store, acquiring more soda and drinks for their friends. "He can't go on like this." Red started, watching Russ as he pushed the blinds down to check that the two youtubers hadn't returned home yet. She resumed as he sank back down onto the couch with Snake and Cry's dog, who looked up for a short moment before yawning and laying his head on his paws. With a nod in his direction, she quietly spoke. "I mean, he hasn't shown any signs that he is upset or suicidal, it looks like he's recovering really well and he's acting like the old Cry..." she trailed off thoughtfully, twirling the string of her hoodie. Having had decided to hold the debate suddenly and without planning, she found it hard to conduct an organized discussion, especially in front of such a large group.

Zutara, Minx, and Ken had made it down for the party, adding to the already present Jund, Red, Russ, Snake, Pewds, and Battlestar, totalling the number of gamers at a suprising ten people, more than they had ever planned on having in Cry's apartment at once. It had been an irrefutable task to acquire the funds and time to bring together the friends, let alone all at the same time. There were work schedules to squeeze through, hotels to organize...Cry ended up pitching in money to help nearly half of his friends attend, but the end result was worth it. Having everyone together like one, big, geeky family was worth it.

A staggering number of the people at the party had never seen Cry in person before in the first place...Zutara, Minx, and Ken specifically...with that realization, Red resumed with conviction. "He might just feel a little out of place at the moment with so many people here. You guys know how he is, he values his privacy. I'm sure if we make him feel comfortable, he'll take the mask off and feel secure being around all of us." She looked around the room, relaxing when she saw understanding nods. "It's already a toll on him emotionally just to have Russ and myself...or even just Jund come visit. He's put a lot of effort into gathering us. Let's make sure we value the time we have here and make him feel at home." Red drew her legs up into the chair and snuggled down into a thick blanket, content. "In the end, we're all really here to support him while he recovers."

"Let's all remember that he's going through...a lot right now." Pewdie said simply, nothing more, nothing less, leaving the statement at that as he folded his arms in his lap. It would have been unnecessary for him to bring up the proposal, Cry's recent move, the chaos with his fans, the hate mail he'd been recieving, the narcotics, his cutting-the things that had pushed him over the edge he had been scarcely balancing on for weeks before the accident...

Pewds' cheeks flushed, his eyes suddenly moist with unshed tears as emotions flodded him, and he looked down, tensing as the memories came to him as clear as day. Although he felt Ken's hand on his shoulder, comforting and reassuring, it didn't change the fact that the image of Cry on the bathroom floor would burned into his brain for the rest of his life. It hurt not just him, but everyone who had had the tragic misfortune of seeing their friend crumpled in his own blood on his bathroom floor. No one dared speak of the incident more than it needed to be brought up. Pewds and Red had been tortured with that night and the memories of it already, and everyone else that had been present that night were finally overcoming that turmoil. Red had Russ to help her cope but Pewds was without his girlfriend in America, whilst she remained in Italy, and until this point it had been Scott whom he confided in, seldom finding comfort with these other gamers he scarcely knew. Ken was aware of the fragile emotional state Felix was in and kept his arm around his neck, trying to cheer up the blonde.

After a concencus that Red and Pewdie should talk to Cry alone before the party and make sure he was doing okay, the conversation wrapped itself up and eveyone went about their individual business. Some of them decided to sit down to watch one of Cry's favorite movies, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, and others sat down in the dining room and shuffled cards, loud caterwauls and laughter filling three bedroom apartment.

Pewdie moved to the couch, absentmindedly nibbling on a piece of candy from the pile that Red had dumped across the table in front of the television, thinking about his friend. Cry had had the obvious withdawal symptoms from time to time, but was taking his new medication regularly, as needed, despite the drowsiness and headaches it often caused, and he was increasingly eating and sleeping better, even as he suffered through an excrutiating recovery...he had boughts of sluggishness, drowsiness and a bit emotional instability, the lack of appetite and general lethargic behavior from time to time, but he enjoyed spending time watching movies and playing games with his concerned friends and would sit on the kitchen counter while Jund would prepare meals regardless of his horribly ill he felt just to keep him company, and needless to say, Scott knew how to make Cry laugh. That was their friendship. They just knew how to make wach other giggle and grin.

Cry needed help taking baths with his arm the way it was, and how lethargic and shaky he often felt from the withdawals. He eventually returned to taking showers as he recovered, which everyone felt was an improvement, that he was starting to be able to stand again. Usually, Jund would offer his assistance if Cry needed it and would wait on the closed toilet seat until Cry was clean and warm, talking loudly over the steamy downpour that threatened to drown out their voices. Red was comforted by the fact that Jund now had the opportunity to check for further self-harm and so far, he reported none.

After his initial fight with Scott two weeks priar, they hadn't spoken for an entire day-a long time for them-until Cry finally broke and came to Jund, in tears, in the middle of the night, shaken by a horrible nightmare and desperate for forgiveness, willing to explain why he had gotten so rambunctious. Scott eagerly forgave his friend and in turn apologized for his own behavior, telling Cry that he should have been more understanding and made room on the guest bed for Cry to sleep beside him.

They spoke not a word of their fight since.

Cry's arm was still too damaged to carry the heavy paper bag of alcohol, and instead he held the front door for Scott when they returned shortly after the meeting has dispursed. Scott was trying in vein to see where he was going over the tall brown bag, much to the masked gamer's entertainment. "Thank you, Scoots!" Cry giggle, biting his lip to muffled his laugh, the sound warm and inviting to his friends after the previous state of Cry's emotions. Cry reached up and pushed his glasses up his nose, looking over curiously as Red and Pewdie greeted the brunette at the door, using this opportunity to pull him aside and have a short discussion with him. Scott set up the alcohol and drinks on the kitchen counter with the help of Russ, showing off the selection before heading into the living room to give Red and Pewds some privacy with Cry.

"We were just worried, hun." Pewdie looked down at the somewhat shorter man, feeling bad for making him worried. Cry's mask was currently off to the side of his face, the strap tied through his hair. He shuffled his feet shyly and reached up to touch it, self-concious of it now that it had been brought to his attention, a nearly guilty look in his blue eyes. "I-I hadn't even realized I..." He timidly reached up and pulled off the mask, looking down at it and playing with the strap before handing it to Pewdie who looked startled, accepting the offer and taking the mask from his friend who smiled in return. "Thanks for being worried, but I'll let Pewds hold it for the rest of the night so you don't have to do that anymore, 'kay?" he sounded chipper, a friendly grin on his face now. He adjusted his hair and gave them both a hug before reaching, almost shyly out fot Pewdie's hand, sticking his tongue out playfully. "Come on, guys! We're missing the movie."

Red grinned and looked down, shuffling into the other room. "Sorry for upsetting you, Cry." Pewds watched her go, aware of Cry watching him, before turning to look at his brunette friend, his fingers twitching with the desire to grab his extended hand. He reached out and the American took a step closer, loosely wrapping his arms around Felix in a light hug. "I was worried you'd be mad at me for hugging you, but..." His voice was muffled against Pewds' chest, making his soothing voice even more enticing. The blonde man hushed his friend and took a step back to lean against the counter, returning the hug. "Let's just...enjoy this." He touched the back of Cry's head, tangling his hand in the thick, clean brunette hair and running his fingers through it's length. "Whatever...this is."

Cry nodded, his thougts trailing from the trip he would be embarking on the next day, to how warm Pewds was, and how good he smelled. The sweet's scent wreathed Cry and made him dizzy, his heart racing as he exhaled. "I'm going to miss home." He whispered, licking his lips and pushing his nose against his friend's collarbone. Bathed in his comforting scent, the Floridan relaxed and closed his eyes, his glasses slightly askew against Pewd's shoulder. When he looked up at the blonde, feeling the awkward position of his glasses across his face, they both laughed. "...Lemme fix that for you, bro." Chuckled Felix, adjusting Cry's glasses and brushing his bangs from his face, pressing a feather light kiss to his warm forehead

Both men blushed, Cry's eyes wide and expression awkward as he gaped, making Pewdie blink shyly and look away, face flushed. "We should..."

"Yeah."

Cry untangled his arms from the Swede's and leaned up on his toes, his lips pressing against Pewds' jaw in a ligt, experimental kiss. He felt Pewdie's stubble on his lips, he heard the blonde's breath hitch and Cry took a deep breath, licking his lips and touching his friend's cheeks, leaning close, his eyes half open, lips parted. Felix tensed at that, suddenly seeming uncomfortable. He looked away. "...We should..."

Cry blinked, swallowing hard. Pewds was trying to run away again. But tomorrow, they were going back to Italy, where Marzia was waiting for the Swede...Cry had to make his mark. He needed to make sure Pewds couldn't get him off of his mind. He was running out of time. He was shaking, his cheeks tinted a deep red.

"Kiss me."

Pewds swung his head towards the brunette, expression screaming 'startled'.

"...Cry..."

"I won't hold it against you later." The Floridan promised, his voice soft, their bodies flush together, Pewdie's shirt riding up against the cold marble countertop at his back. Pewds could hear their friends bantering in the next room, unaware of what was happening...it made him even more anxious. What if someone walked in and saw..? Would they tell everyone else?

Did they already know? Scott did. He was almost sure Red and Russ did...did they hate him for doing these things with Cry while he had a girlfriend waiting for him at home? Would Marzia hate him when he told her what he had been doing with Cry? Every worry that had been itching at Pewds the past few weeks hit him all at once, yet...looking into Cry's hopeful, beautiful eyes, his worries melted into a subtle nagging at the back of his brain. He bit his lip, trapped between his friend and the counter, his heart racing desperately. Every kiss pressed against Cry's lips before was...at least nice...and Marzia did say that she wouldn't hold it against him if he gave into Cry a little bit...what was a little to her? What was crossing the line?

Pewdie shakily placed his hands on Cry's hips and gripped the small of his cute waist, steering him to the wall behind them, all but pinning the brunette against it as he crushed their lips together awkwardly. A startled sound escaped his Cry's throat as Pewds pushed his tongue into his mouth, but his resistance gave away at once as he tasted Felix, swooning at the heat and pleasure erupting inside. Cry's lips were still cool from the late night air that still chilled his skin but his tongue was hot, his mouth sweet, his scent making the blonde man dizzy. Pewdie tilted his head, a soft sigh escaping his lips as they parted from Cry's, but just for a moment before deepening the kiss. Cry gave no resistance, tilting his own head and pushing his tongue against Pewdie's in response. Their tongues twined and fougt for dominance, even as Pewds began to lean away from Cry, who audibly shuddered as he exhaled. Pewds did the same, leaning closer and breathing against Cry's lips, kissing him again with just as much conviction as the first time. They were silent and still as their lips parted once again, both of their eyes mututally closed, but their breathing was ragged and audible in the slight space between them. Cry shuddered and placed his hand on Pewdie's shoulder, listening to the blonde's breathing.

Their eyes opened at nearly the same time, slowly and anxiously, Cry's skin still tingling where the blonde's stubble had rubbed his face. "T-t-thank y-you..." Cry stuttered, his chest rising and falling rapidly with each deep inhale. He looked down to the tacky tile floor and pushed at Pewds lightly, smiling a bit, face flushed. "I...think...we should go. For real, this time." The Swede nodded and fixed Cry's hair and glasses before lifting himself off of him, his emotions unbalanced and arousal quite untreated, worsened by the makeout session and his frustrating emotions. "You're not mad, right?" He asked. He had to make sure Cry was okay...but the brunette quickly responded with a trembling but reassuring smile. "I could use a drink. Let's go already, friend."

Cry had done exactly what he had wanted to and felt accomplished.

Despite Snake and Jund sharing glares with one another the great majority of the night, with the added benefit of snarky remarks scattered here and there, everyone seemed happy and entertained. Cry was on the couch between Pewdie and Jund watching his movie, more than drunk and swaying side to side as he stared at the scren. He didn't try to lay a hand on Pewds for the rest of the evening, either, instead headbutting and teasing Jund during the first film and into the second one. He leaned foreward for his drink, eyes half opened and face flushed but a suprisingly sober-perhaps just compared to Cry-grabbed his arm and gently pulled him back onto the couch, shaking his head. "You've had too much to drink." His face and voice both were stern but friendly. "Just looking out for you. Want a soda?"

Cry whined in protest at first but nodded when he realized the battle was lost, eyes half open, falling back against Pewdie's open and waiting arms, the grip on his body secure and comforting. Although the Swede was drunk himself, he was much more capable ot handling himself, and quite capable of watching over Cry so Jund could go down the road to get him a fresh drink. "I'll keep an eye on him for you." Pewds chuckled, blinking as he stared at the film on the television. He forgot what it was called, but it was strange...or was he just drunk? Maybe both. But Cry was warm and smelled good, and no one seemed to notice or mind that they were cuddling...and at least the youtubers were both content and happy. Snake gave them a short look from the dining room before opening his can or beer and looking back to the card game he was currently invested in, deciding it was none of his business. Jund liked to involve himself but...it wasn't really Snake's place. At least, that was his personal opinion.

"Get another 2-liter please, Jund." Red leaned out of the kitchen to sure the shorter haired man had heard her. He nodded in agreement and put on his shoes, watching her stir the macaroni and cheese she was preparing for herself and Russ, wondering to himself how hard this walk would be in his state, before leaving, the door clicking shut behind him and the late night chill hitting him like a brick wall. "Well, i'm sober now." He mumbled to himself, amused and annoyed at the same time. He smiled and started down the sidewalk.

Pewds could tell Scott was really worried about how drunk his friend had managed to become. He could barely walk, let alone stand, and keeping his eyes open seemed more and more like a chore. But despite this, Felix found himself stroking Cry's hair as he held him close, keeping an eye on his behavior. They had checked his medication before allowing him to drink, and he hadn't been allowed to take anything four hours priar, but he had seemed fairly comfortable without his medicine.

Cry was abundantly aware of a burning pain spreading like acid through his body. It felt as if someone had injected him with that damned numbing medicine his nurse at the hospital had used on his stitches...but it hurt everywhere this time, and was gettimg worse as time passed. He was too drunk to articulate the words to say such, instead managing the drunken slur of, "Bathroom..." before clumsily climbing to his legs and slinking off, stumbling down the hallway falling against the door with a sickening thud as he struggled to close it. He winced, aware that he was groaning softly, cringing in nausea and pain. He looked down at his hands and saw their shaking...the fleeting thought of, "Who saw me?" passed his mind before he threw himself at the toilet, forcing the lid up, resulting in a loud thud, before his stomach fully revoted on him. He spent several minutes shaking and heaving, crying in pain only to be silenced by more vomit. Before long, his stomach was empty enough to stop it's painful stranglehold on the youtuber. He collapsed on the floor in front of the toilet, sobbing as violent pain ripped at each nerve, his face so flushed and warm that his own cool tears felt like fire. Each attempt to cry out was muffled by the bathroom fan, until finally Snake was knocking on the bathroom door, his deep voice salvation to Cry who was slowly but surely loosing his grip on reality to the drunken dillusions and fever.

He wasn't sure what he had said to convince Snake to open that door amidst his cries and weak yelps, everything muffled in a painful, incoherent haze, but when the other man opened the door, Cry momentarily lost conciousness. His body went limp upon the comforing realization that he would be cared for and not left to die, as his dillusions were previously telling him. Snake inhaled sharply and reached over Cry to flush the toilet and grap a towel, wrapping the Floridan up in it and carrying him out of the bathroom.

Although unaware of such, Cry proceeded to whimper and shiek in pain even after Snake had pulled the brunette from the bathroom floor and placed him on his own bed, blankets askew from the previous night's sleep. "Stay here." Like he needed to be told-Cry had no intentions of moving from that spot. "I'll go get help."

For the second time since the Late Night Crew had met Snake, he looked terrified, lost for words, shaken even as he shambled out into the hallway, looking lost. His face was pale as he called out for Red, who jumped, shoving her bowl of noodles onto the coffee table. She didn't need to be told what was happening to come. She could already hear Cry through the half-open door whimpering and crying out, his voice sounding dry, pained amd desperate. The sounds were turning into screams of pain that alarmred everyone, but Snake pleaded with them to stay out of the room. He was the nurse after all. No one dared disagree with him. "Tell us if you need anything, okay?" Zutara almost demanded, looking up at Snake and Red's backs. Pewdie looked alarmed, sitting on the edge of the couch and scratching at his own legs.

Cry was crumpled over himself on the end of the bed, his breathing ragged and uneven, his face flushed and eyes damp with fresh tears. He squirmed, rolling back onto his back, and cried out again. At a loss, Red looked over at Snake as if to ask what had happened but he looked just as clueless, lips drawn in a tight, scared line. "Call Scott and get Pewds, i'll do what I can." Keeping his word, Snake kneeled down beside Cry and pushed up the other's sleeve, feeling his wrist and checking his pulse.

"Red..." Cry was whimpering, extending his arm out and reaching in her direction. He looked almost perplexed by the swaying of his hand a few feet in front of his face, too drunk to even understand that he was drunk for the pain that consumed him. From time to time it looked like he was in an uneasy sleep, his eyes closed and his face twisted in the beginnings of pain, the terror in the whimpers escaping him proof that he was truly suffering. The occasional scream made Red jumped and tense.

She pushed Cry's hair out of his face, immediately aware of the sweat pooling there. Her frown deepeneing, she looked around and bit her lip, looking out of the bedroom door desperately. Pewdie was already halfway down the hallway, his face displaying his obvious. He couldn't stay put in the kiving room knowing Cry was in pain. Red was thankful for his presence and looked up at his face as he evaluated the situation, worry filling his eyes. He shut the door behind him just before Cry cried out in pain, eyes squeezed so tightly shut that tears poured down his cheeks. "His pulse is a little high but it's really nothing to worry about. We need water, medicine, a warm blanket...a wet rag would help."

Without hesitation Felix climbed onto the bed and slid behind Cry, pulling him back between his legs and against Pewdie's own chest. "Hey, hey, wake up, Cry..." He had to take a deep, steadying breath to prevent himself from audibly trembling as he pushed Cry's hair from his sweaty forehead, feeling the heat of his flushed face. His struggle to wake up the now screaming brunette was in vain by now and without anyone able to help Cry sufficiently, Red reaching hysterics and Snake now in the hallway battling with Jund to listen to what he had to say on the phone, Pewds was feeling a little cornered and scared. "Hey, open your eyes. Open your eyes, Ry. It's me. Look at me."

It seemed as if Jund had been on his way back when he got the call from Snake because shortly there after he burst through the front door, throwing his bags on the floor and running back into the master bedroom where Dty was wailing incoherently. In the living room, Cry's shrieks were more like a distant cry under the various conversation and the movie that remained playing, but once Jund had opened the bedroom door he could plainly hear the horrifying, almost shrill screams of pure bloodcurdling terror and pain. Jund had quickly regained that similar sense of leadership that echoed that of the previous incident involving the same friend, completely disregarding Snake for the moment and sitting on the edge of the bed in front of Cry, who was cacooned in a blanket against Felix to prevent him from flailing or falling over, eyes closed, wailing and trembling in horror.

Unscathed, Snake turned to the nearest friend, who happened to be Russ checking in on the situation, and pleaded, "Bring me a cold damp washcloth and a bottle of water." As the other man gathered himself from the terrifying sounds, he nodded and went out for the supplies. Less than ten minutes after he had joined the group in Cry's bedroom, Jund and Snake were able to diagnose the problem and offer ideas to solve the condition that was causing Cry so much pain.

"Felix, keep him awake."

The Swede gave no complaint, pulling Cry close and whispering into his ear, lips pressing to his cheek and his murmurs soothing as a hand ran through his hair. "Shhhhshhhh, Cry, wake up. Come on, you can open your eyes for me, right?" The brunette responded with a squirm and a whimper. He tried to open his eyes like Pewdie wanted, he tried to stay awake like everyone asked, but more sobs choked out the words from his throat and his eyes continued to squeeze shut. Was he dreaming..? Cry wasn't sure anymore.

Sleep melded with wakefullness, dreams with reality, turning his muddled state into that of great terror. "I'm sorry, hick, i'm sorry, sob," the brunette's face was contorted into an expression of pain. "Don't leave me, Felix..." Pewdie placed his hand on his friend's burning forehead and pulled him back against his shoulder, kissing his cheek and ear comfortingly as his whispered soothingly, "Cry, wake up. You're okay. Open your eyes."

Scott was fairly certain he heard Pewdie whisper, "Baby," and "I love you..." admist his comforting crooning, his hands in his hair and around his torso. He took a small drink from the water bottle before pressing the it to the American's lips, tilting it up and slowly pouring the cool liquid into the smallers mouth. At first Cry drank loudly, coughing and gulping but soon with the cool water came sweet relaxation and some of the tension left for a moment, nuzzling into Felix's arms.

"He's having night terrors. Chronic nigtmares." Jund explained.

"Because he's drunk, he can't stay awake, but he's in pain from a withdrawal, so he's having painful nigtmares. The alcohol makes it feel like he's in worse pain than he really is, but he can't stay awake..." Snake added, looking around. "...He really should take a pain killer." He advised, voice soft to keep Cry from possibly hearing.

He was so drunk that he kept falling asleep, but when he did so, he would have a realistic, horrible nightmare he couldn't wake up from, even if he screamed. Add one painful withdrawal and Cry was an incoherrent wreck, screaming and sobbing in nightmarish pain and fear. It scard Pewdie to imagine what his friend was going through.

"W-will he be sick? If he takes a painkiller with alcohol im his system?" Red asked, eyeing Snake curiously. The taller man shook his head no in response. "It might make him really sleepy...but it will be a good, deep sleep. In his current state, deep sleep is good sleep. He'll be okay. But I wouldn't recommend this any other time." Snake finished, nodding promisingly to Red and looking over at Jund, who had been gazing over at the shrieking brunette, his face solemn.

"Someone find my duffle bag."

Pewdie's eyes jumped from Cry's face to Jund's. "B-but this will put him back at square one, won't it..? Won't he just...become addicted again?"

Jund's lips were drawn in a straight line. "He needs one, Felix. It's all we can do." He looked almost choked up as he tried to persuade the other man. Apparently this decision wasn't easy on either men. Pewdie felt his throat tighten and he looked away. "We have to make him as comfortable as possible until the terrors pass. Besides, he'll be asleep. It's likely he won't even know he had taken one." Scott assured...if he was reassuring himself or Pewds was up for debate.

Red wasted no time, running out into the apartment and scavenging room through room for the bag. When it didn't turn up she began raising her voice in desperation, demanding someone help her find it. Russ immediately trailed her in to the other room to help look, rubbing her back. Worried friends searched the apartment until Jund's bag was located, and the pill bottle was passed to the shorter haired brunette as soon as it was found.

He didn't waste any time opening and spilling some out onto his hand.

It tortured Pewdie to take the pill from Scott, extended on his palm before him, and place it in Cry's mouth. He hesitated, watching Cry's tortured, half open eyes look at him with confusion and pain... It hurt Pewds. So much was obvious on his whiskered face as he poured water into the trembling man's mouth and watched him swallow the medication with a gag, a loud whimper escaping him. "What was that?" he slurred, swaying as he tried to sit up his eyes half open and scared. He looked behind him at Pewdie, falling into the crook of his shoulder as the strength left him again.

Cry looked up at Jund.

"You'll be sleepy soon. You'll stop hurting." Pewds whispered, giving Cry a comforting squeeze.

Cry felt so far gone. He wasn't sure why he hadn't pushed the pill away. He hadn't felt like taking it, but his body was on fire and he hadn't had the strength to spit it out...but maybe it would help, like Scott said? Surely Scott and Snake wouldn't push him in the wrong direction...He wasn't sure. All he was sure of was pain. Why won't they let me sleep? Why am I here? Did I throw up..? He whimpered his acknowledgement a few moments later and closed his eyes, hiccuping and sniffling, an occasional cry escaping him as he made himself relax against his friend's shoulder.

The blanket was suddenly up to his nose, either had was sinking down or someone had covered him up further...Maybe both? He was warm...Pewdie smelled good...and these things were all that mattered. He murmured his 'thank yous' and apologies to Pewdie, Red and Scott, but began to slur and sink off into sleep before he could finish the sentences he had started. He didn't even realize he was drifting in and out of sleep before he was gone.

Half an hour after the whole mess had started, Cry was calming down. The scrams were dissipating as he dozed off into a heavy sleep.

Russ and Red said their goodbyes, with Red planting a friendly and concerned kiss on her friend's forehead, which woke him up enough to ask, "A-are you leaving..?"

"Just going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, Cry." Russ ushered the red head to the guest bedroom with a hand on her waist, watching as she gazed over her shoulder at Cry before the door closed. She willingly leaned against him, disturbingly sober now after the previous half hour, but content that Cry had fallen into a state of mild rest...albeit restless. She was certain Jund and Pewds would be fine.

Pewdie looking worn out. His hair was messy and there were bags under his blue eyes, but he stayed sitting up with his brunette friend wrapped up in a sheet in his arms, squeezing him gently each time his whimpers started to turn into cries again. Jund turned to look at Snake. Unappreciative of each others company, Snake said his goodnights and helped set up makeshift beds on the recliner and couch, and a cot on the floor for himself. Jund had one guest bedroom and Red and Russ had the other, while the rest either went down a few blocks to a hotel or slept in the living room. Zutara quickly sat down beside Snake and dove into her questioning, obviously startled, and confused. "Is he okay?" She whispered, watching Ken from the corners of her eyes as he went around the house, turning off everything and putting away what he could.

Jund sat down om the edge of Cry's bed and touched the top of his exhausted friend's head gently. Despite the flinch he felt under his palm, he felt the smaller brunette, still somewhat feverish, squirm and heard him whisper, "Thank you, Jund."

"Get some sleep. loser." Jund replied. Cry laughed slightly, his eyes never once opening. "I'm sleepy..." He slurred in response, a lopsided grin flickering across his face. Pewdie looked up at Jund, sligtly enterained. Scott started laughing. "Yeah, well, you're drunk as hell." He chuckled. "See you in the morning, drinky."

Cry stopped responding almost imstantly and Scott looked over at Pewds. Cry was definately asleep this time.

"Do you want to sleep in here with him?" Pewdie offered, following Jund to the bedroom door with his eyes. The American shook his head. "I can tell you want to keep an eye on him, Pewds. Stay here. See you tomorrow. We'll all talk about what happened then."

Scott cleaned up the remaining party mess and curled up to sleep, exhausted and tipsy. The combination put him to sleep quickly.

Felix looked over to the bedside table and sighed as he saw the time on the clock, lifting his friend off of him and laying him on the mattress carefully, moving to di through his own bags and changing into his pajamas before locating some for Cry out of the closet across the room. An old hoodie and character sweats would be fine, according to what he remembered the other man wearing om any usual sleepover.

Which reminded him to find Cry's glasses...

Pewds was lucky enough to find them quickly, on the floor beside the bed where Cry had originally flopped down, saving him time that he usually would have spent the following morning searching the house high and low for them because Cry was as blind as a bat.

Felix was too tired to bother showering or even brushing his teeth before bed, the alcohol making the room spin. After changing his clothes, he untangled Cry from the blanket he was wrapped up in and shuffled around, wondering if he should just leave him in his street clothes until morning. The obvious reponse was, no, Cry already felt like shit and would wake up feeling worse if he was in jeans all night...the blonde sat down on the end of the bed and took a deep breath, realizing that he hadn't really tought this through on his own end.

He was going to have to take off Cry's pants, after all...he took a deep breath and sighed, leaning over and fumbling with the button and zipper of Cry's jeans, wondering to himself if maybe Jund should have stayed with Cry after all. He would cerainly handle this a lot better than Pewds was. He quickly felt bad for thinking that and frowned.

He lifted the sleeping brunette's hips and wiggled his jeans off, quickly helping him into his pajamas pants as he stirred and, half awake, Cry was able to help Felix get his own jacket and shirt off and slide into the comfortable overside hoodie he had been offered. He drowsily mumbled his thanks and hummed his comfort, squirming around on the bed as he adjusted, falling asleep face down in the pillow with his hands tucked underneath him.

The Swede couldn't help but laugh. Cry was finally comfortable and asleep in his own, warm bed, and he didn't seem to have a fever or be suffering from those horrible nightmares anymore. Infact, he was talking about Clemetine now, from the Walking dead game he had loved, and giggling into the pillow.

Felix laughed, covering his mouth to muffle the sound to prevent him from waking Cry up-he was awar that his laugh was horridly loud-and turned off the bedside lamp, lifting up the comforter and tucking both himself and Cry in, who rolled onto his side and stretched, licking his lips. Warm and comfy, Pewdie granted himself the privilage of rolling over to face Cry's back, draping his arm over the small of his waist and pushing one under his shoulders, nuzzling his nose into the hair at the nape of his neck, taking a deep breath of his warm, familiar scent.

Cry seemed to calm down, albeit Pewd's warmth and scent or the sweet dreams tangled up in the thick blankets that caused him to relax the foreigner wasn't sure, but soon Cry fell silent, given the soft sleepy exhales and soft snoring, proof of his exhaustion. The warm light of the red christmas tree lights hanging on the wall above the window gave just enough light that Felix watched Cry's slow, even breathing until he himself fell asleep, comforted by the calm rest and familiar scent of his friend.


End file.
